Issue Number 7 --- 4 Tishrei, 5754
Compiled and Published by Kollel Menachem - Lubavitch (Melbourne, Australia)
in the zechus of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, o.b.m.
The following issues are discussed in relation to prayers for the departed:
We find in several sources that the acts and prayers of the living benefit the souls of the departed. In the ceremony of the egla arufa for an unsolved murder, the Cohanim ask G-d to atone for His people whom He redeemed from Egypt. From this the Midrash [1] learns that even for the departed - those who were redeemed from Egypt - who are also implicated in this iniquity amongst the Jewish people, there can be atonement. Similarly the Gemoro [2] explains the eightfold repetition by King David of the words "my son", in references to his departed son Avshalom, as eight stages of elevation for Avshalom's soul.
The Sefer Chasidim [3] writes that if a father had his son taught Torah and trained in acts of kindness, when the son does these meritorious acts after the father's passing, it will be of merit to the father's soul. Hence, the institution of pledging charity for the benefit of the departed. In Proverbs [4] it is written that "charity saves from death", referring also to charity given by the living saving those in the next world.
The Rokeach [5] writes that charity given on behalf of the departed helps them inasmuch as G-d knows that were they living they would also give. Moreover by giving charity in honour of the departed, they will pray and protect the giver.
Beside the times specific to an individual (such as the burial and yahrzeit), there are other times when the departed are mentioned in the Beis Haknesses.
The Sha'arei Efraim [6] writes that the custom is to mention the departed on Mondays and Thursdays, except when Tachanun is not said on these days.
The Remoh [7] writes that the practice is to mention the departed on Shabbos after the reading of the Torah - every community according to its custom - as well as to say the prayer for the departed "Av Harachamim".
The Shibulei Leket [8] explains that since Shabbos is a day of rest also for the departed, it is a fitting time to mention them for blessing.
The Vilna Gaon [9] states that Shabbos was chosen since many come to the Beis Haknesses then and "the living will take it to heart".
In the Siddur of the Alter Rebbe, however, there is reference only to saying "Av Harachamim" on Shabbos. The departed are mentioned only on Festivals and Yom Kippur. On those Shabbosos when "Tzidkoscho Tzedek" is not said or on the occasion of a wedding or bris milah, these prayers are not recited [10]. Some have the custom that on Shabbos Mevorchim (except during Sefiras HaOmer) "Av Harachamim" is not said; and mentioning of the departed is made only on the Shabbos before a yahrzeit.
With regard to the Shabbos in the Shloshes yemei hagbolo, Shabbos Mevorchim Av, Shabbos Tisha B'av and the Shabbosos of the Four Parshios there are differing opinions as to the recital of these prayers. The ruling of the Alter Rebbe in his Siddur is that "Av Harachamim" is not said on those Shabbosos when Tachanun for other reasons would not be said on that day nor on Shabbos Mevorchim (except Shabbos Mevorchim Sivan).
Yom Kippur is chosen to recite Yizkor as it is a day of atonement for the departed as well as the living as is hinted at in the plural form Yom HaKippurim - day of atonements [11]. Moreover mention of the departed subdues the heart and arouses it to t'shuva [12].
In the diaspora Yizkor is recited on those days when the parsha "Kol hab'chor" is read (last day of Pesach, second day of Shavuos, Shmini Atzeres) as it mentions giving according to one's means. Since we mention this, we also pledge to give charity in honour of the departed and accordingly we mention them.
In the land of Israel where there is only one day Yom Tov, Yizkor is recited on the seventh day of Pesach, Shavous and Shmini Atzeres. [13] The Sha'arei Efraim [14] writes that on Rosh HaShonoh Yizkor is not said.
However, the Lubavitcher Rebbe [15] has stated that the previous Rebbe did say Yizkor silently on the second day Rosh HaShonoh and that this custom must have been handed down by his father, grandfather and so on. The Rebbe continued that he was not publicizing it in order for it to become fixed as a custom but that each person should decide on his own practice.
There are three forms of prayers for the departed - "E-l Molay Rachamim", "Yizkor" and "Av Harachamim". "E-l Molay Rachamim" is said by the Chazan on Monday, Thursday and Shabbos for individual souls. Yizkor is said by each individual on Yom Tov and Yom Kippur for departed relatives. Av Harachamim is recited by the whole congregation on Shabbos for those who died sanctifying G-d's name.
The Arugas HaBosem [16] permits incorporating many names in the one prayer as it would otherwise be burdensome for the congregation and cause idle talk. If the list of names is long R. Steinberg [17] suggests dividing the list to be read in separate minyonim.
Charity pledged for Yizkor should be paid promptly on the day after Yom Tov. [18]
Some have the custom not to mention those who passed away under the age of Bar or Bas Mitzva since they are not liable for any punishment and in this sense do not require atonement. Others mention any child who came to the level of understanding, even under Bar or Bas Mitzva. Others mention all children regardless of age of passing, on account of previous lives (gilgulim) of these children. [19] The Ashkenazic custom is to mention the name of the deceased with his or her father's name. The Sefardic custom is to mention the mother's name.
There are many opinions with regard to mentioning one who passed away within the year. The Kerem Shlomo [20] writes that the living relatives should leave during Yizkor as they may become very emotional and disturb others.
Others write that they should say Yizkor [21] and the Munkatcher Rebbe [22] writes that it is especially important to say it in the first year.
Sefer HaMinhogim Chabad [23] states that one should not leave but also should not say along with the congregation. The Lubavitcher Rebbe [24], however, wrote that one should say it but not in a noticeable manner.
Several reasons are given why those with both parents leave the Beis Haknesses during Yizkor. One is that one should not be together with the congregation when not participating in that with which they are occupied. Secondly, on account of ayin hora (evil eye). [25] Thirdly, in case such a person, present in the Beis Haknesses will also accidently say Yizkor - for a "covenant is established with the lips". [26]
May it be G-d's will that the promise that "Death will be swallowed up forever and G-d will remove the tears from all faces" be fulfilled and that we shall merit to the building of the third Beis Hamikdosh with the arrival of Moshiach soon.
[1] Sifri - Parshas Shoftim
[2] Sotah 10b
[3] Ch. 1171
[4] 11:4
[5] Ch. 217
[6] Ch.10:27
[7] Orach Chayim 284:7
[8] Ch. 81
[9] Orach Chayim 284
[10] see Remoh above
[11] see Darkei Moshe, Orach Chayim 621
[12] ibid
[13] see L'vush, Orach Chayim 490:9
[14] Ch. 1:31
[15] see Sicha dated 6 Tishrei 5743
[16] Vol 2:211
[17] see choveres "Moriah" Year 14 Vol 1-2 p62
[18] see Kol Bo on aveilus in the name of the Terumas Hadeshen
[19] see Gesher HaChayim Vol 1 p338
[20] Orach Chayim Ch. 668
[21] see Sukas Sholaim 6:1
[22] Chamisho Ma'amoros, chelek Divrei Torah p12
[23] p59
[24] Sharei Halocho U'Minhag Vol 3 p383
[25] see Pischei Sheorim 1:35
[26] see Orchois Chayim, Orach Chayim Ch 668
The above is not intended to decide halachic questions, but rather to clarify them in a clear and concise form. Please refer all your practical questions to your local Rabbi.
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