Reflections of a Lubavitcher Bochur

[Mendy_770]

B"H

Reflections of a Lubavitcher Bochur

I'm ashamed, saddened, proud, happy, and hopeful all at the same time. I feel so thankful to Hashem and the Rebbe to be a Lubavitcher Chossid, but at the same time, I feel anguish as to the changing meaning of those two words: Lubavitcher Chossid.

A son of Shluchim overseas, I know what Shlichus is. I have experienced first-hand its difficulties, the hardest one which for me has been to leave home at a young age. But I have also experienced first-hand the rewards of Shlichus, the most important of which is to know you are doing your utmost for the Rebbe, and that to him, you are the most beloved.

Yes, Shlichus is hard. Very hard. Especially if you want to do it right, as the Rebbe intended, which means it's a 24/7 job. You have to give it your all, physically, spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. And not just for one day, one week, one month, or even one year, but your whole life. And your wife's as well, and a sizeable chunk of your children's.

But how can you be a true Lubavitcher and not dream of going on Shlichus? How could you imagine not doing your utmost for the Rebbe? There is a new wave of Lubavitcher young men going into business and even going to college. How far this is from the Rebbe's wishes?! What makes these young men want to exchange their lofty roles in the Rebbe's special Army for professions more appropriate for our Baalei Teshuva Baalei Batim? Would a Kohen ever dream of changing places with a Yisroel?! And most times, it goes much farther than Shlichus or business. Unfortunately, these young men's Chassidishkeit quickly decreases, and after Halacha follows, it seems even when they manage to continue wearing a hat and Kapote on Shabbos, that it's only a costume...

I was only a small child in 1994. Yet I've taken it upon myself to not only continue the work of my ansestors, but take it to the next level. I credit my Parents and some extraordinary Rabbonim and Mashpiim for helping me grow in this derech. However, I think the problem in Lubavitch today isn't the young people, but the older generation. Understandably, many of them were disillusioned after Gimmel Tammuz and took things less seriously. Most of my experience in Yeshiva has been that if you're already here and accepting to follow the system, they weren't going to bother you with anything else. In a way, they were scared of us students. Even though I attended the best Yeshivos, the learning was nowhere near what were just basic requirements in my Father's time. So much time was being wasted, and lack of diligence on the part of the students and lack of organization on the part of the teachers was very common.

I went on Merkos Shlichus. I had incredible experiences, both in distant and close places. I really hope I touched many people who will continue to grow in their Yiddishkeit, especially in places where there now are full-time Shluchim.

However, I didn't go on a year of Shlichus, as many bochurim do now. I didn't think it was appropriate for a Chassidishe bochur to work in such an environment prior to marriage. It's not that I was afraid of being negatively influenced, but I didn't think it was correct to follow a trend that wasn't instituted by the Rebbe himself. I can't claim to know better than the Rebbe.

After getting my Semicha, I was shocked to learn there wasn't any Dayonus program in Lubavitch. Everybody in both my Parents' families have Dayonus, and it was fairly common not so long ago. It's not because you're a Shliach that all you need is a Semicha; the learning a Dayonus requires can be so helpful to a Shliach unless you regard Shlichus as mostly social work. Anyway, what happened to the thirst for learning, even if it's not mandatory?

Maybe I got it all wrong?! Maybe it is indeed wise to outsmart the Rebbe and implement programs he never did? Maybe when someone is indicted and jailed, those are indeed false charges of an anti-Semitic government? Maybe being a Baal Tzedaka changes reality and turns you into an overnight Tzadik?... Maybe getting married in your late thirties is indeed because you had no mazal till now, and all those lonely nights were spent learning Maamorim?... Maybe getting married on Gimmel Tammuz is the utmost naches you can give the Rebbe?! Maybe shaving your beard is an expression of love to the Rebbe?! Maybe Ahavas Yisroel means I have to believe all the above, or is it not the opposite, that I should try to help you and you to help me, as Chassidishe brider have done from times immemorial?!

Of all the feelings I have, one I don't have is fright. I'm not scared. Not for myself, not for my future, and more importantly not for Lubavitch's future. The Rebbe knew what he was doing. He was, is, and always will be 1000% right. The only question is if we as individuals choose to live up to the Rebbe's ideals and follow his wishes. I choose yes, and hope you do too. When I choose to dress as a Lubavitcher Chossid, with a crisp tucked-in white shirt, black suit, and black hat, I know I represent the Rebbe and Lubavitch better than if I were wearing an untucked wrinkled shirt, no suit, no hat, and shoes so pointy they border on ridiculous? Would anybody dream of representing a respected firm dressed like this? If not, how could I afford any less kovod to my beloved Rebbe and to the movement to which he utterly dedicated his life?! When I choose not to attend university, it's because I know the Torah is the best all-inclusive wisdom, and I have nothing to learn from the Goyim. When I choose to meet my future Kallah at someone's home, it's because in Chassdishe families, that's how it has always been done. How compatible with Chassidishe ideals of Tzniyus is it to pick up a girl on the sidewalk and go to a hotel?! When my Parents go to great lengths of research to ensure the young lady I meet has the most chances of being compatible with me, it is because we follow the Chassidishe ideals of minimizing the number of people we meet. For some people, once they start looking for a Shidduch, so many Tzniyus rules all of a sudden fall by the wayside... Isn't it written, "Shivisi Hashem lenegedi tomid"? The word tomid is there for a reason. That was the same reason newly married men used to symbolically give the Frierdiker Rebbe the key to their apartment. Shouldn't that same idea be applicable in our days, which are nicht andersh?

I'm not holier than anyone else, and I know my words will probably find vehement opposition among a number of people. I'm not trying to impose my views on anybody (who am I to do so?), but I thought I had to speak out for b"H, there still are a significant number of people who feel our Lubavitcher standards of life are in dire need of restoring. A new generation has grown up not even knowing right from wrong. Everything has become gray. We must call upon those fortunate enough to have lived by the Rebbe to guide us in following the Derech HaYashar. We must not get discouraged. We are the Dor of Moshiach. He's coming right now. We have to believe it. We have to want it. We have to work for it. We have to live it. For real.

We always have to keep focused on our goal: Moshiach. Everything else is just desperate attempts from the Yetzer Hora to discourage and distract us from our ultimate goal. My Zaidy spent years in Siberia for his work on behalf of the Frierdiker Rebbe. He was engaged to my Bubby for five long years, most of those years she didn't even know if he was alive. But she had Bitochon, and he did come back. When my Zaidy had Yechidus with the Frierdiker Rebbe for the first time after fleeing the Soviets, the Frierdiker Rebbe said "Thank you." My Zaidy responded "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to work for you. My biggest trouble in exile was that I wasn't as effective in promoting the Rebbe's wishes as if I had been free..."

Today, such mesirus nefesh isn't required of most Shluchim. How insignificant our challenges are compared to those of our ancestors? After contemplating this story, can I really hesitate on how to dress and whether to go on Shlichus?!...

As I spend my last days as a bochur, I strive that they should be spent in holiness and purity, in learning and teaching Torah, and doing Mivtzoim. I strive that I be zoiche to get married in Kedusha to the other half of my Neshomo, the young lady the Rebbe has chosen for me. I yearn for the day we'll set out for Shlichus to do the Rebbe's work. What more can I ask for?! The Rebbe blesses my life. The Rebbe guides my life. The Rebbe is my life.

"Ashreinu ma tov chelkeinu uma noim goraleinu uma yofo yerushoseinu". We have the Rebbe, and each of us can truly say "Yesh li kol". We have the best. Shouldn't we also strive to be the best?!

May all our work, our Shlichus, to ourselves, our Chaverim, and our Baalei Batim be matzliach, and may we merit the Geula Sheleima bimheiro beyomeinu Mamosh!

[MahTovChelkeinu]

Mendy,

Welcome to chabadtalk. I commend you on such a well written post and hope to see you more often on the site. While I certainly do not agree with everything you wrote, I think you raise quite a few good points as well.

Before I get into specifics, however, I would encourage you to go through the threads and add your opinion wherever you like. Most threads here are based on one topic - for example you mention the question of going to University which has been debated frequently here - try this link for starters. You also mention shidduchim, the levush, and also a forum for advanced learning. Many of your points have been discussed before, but I anticipate you adding a fresh perspective and I look forward to reading more.

Let me add one last thing. "Ashreinu Mah Tov Chelkeinu" is something I consider of paramount importance. I hope that we can all look past the negative and embrace each other for who we are - each one a precious diamond.

[emes m'eretz]

Originally Posted by Mendy_770

But how can you be a true Lubavitcher and not dream of going on Shlichus?

There are different levels, some more “frum,” some less.

But in general, just because someone doesn’t go on shlichus, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is less chasidish, or less botul to the Rebbe.

Not everyone is suited for shlichus. They may not have the right talents and personalities etc.
But they may still be very botul to the Rebbe in all their dealings: in business, in relationships with family and aquaintances, and in their own avoida.

So not everyone is necessarily suited for the shlichus that you know.
But everyone can excel in the shlichus that the Rebbe and the Eibeshter has sent them, even as a businessman; and for some people, davka as a businessman.

Originally Posted by Mendy_770

Maybe I got it all wrong?! Maybe it is indeed wise to outsmart the Rebbe and implement programs he never did?

The Rebbe taught us the importance of adapting and dealing with new situations as they come along. So when the hanholos implement new decisions, they are generally following the example of the Rebbe. And the Rebbe generally instructed the bochurim to obey the hanholos.

And even in the olden days, the hanholos were constantly dealing with issues according to their own understanding, and they didn’t constantly ask the Rebbe how to do everything.





In general, one can say as follows:

The Rebbe Rashab told the Fredike Rebbe that one must look at another Jew with the right eye.

If you look at many of your friends with the right eye, you will see many people who, although they are dressed more modernly and are in business, nevertheless they have affection and closeness to the Rebbe, and try to do what the Rebbe wants.

And we can’t judge these things. We can’t say which person stands in a higher level, or which person accomplished more.

Like the child who made noise like a rooster, and saved the whole community; something that even the Besht didn’t accomplish.

It says that we shouldn’t judge another until we reach his place. You received a strong upbringing, and you were blessed with chushim to be able to continue with shlichus.

When we see another person, we need to look at him with the right eye, and love him dearly.

And if he chas vesholom got arrested, we need to feel for him and to try to help him, and not to judge him.

And not to feel ashamed, but rather to be proud that indeed we will all bring Moshiach together, as the Tzemach Tzedek said that the achdus of Chasidim will bring them to Moshiach.

[Torah613]

Originally Posted by emes m'eretz

The Rebbe taught us the importance of adapting and dealing with new situations as they come along. So when the hanholos implement new decisions, they are generally following the example of the Rebbe. And the Rebbe generally instructed the bochurim to obey the hanholos.

And even in the olden days, the hanholos were constantly dealing with issues according to their own understanding, and they didn’t constantly ask the Rebbe how to do everything.

I do not not what specific "new programs" are being referred to here. However, there is no question, that much of what goes on today with bochurim over 20, is totally out of control - even the control of "hanholo" (whoever that is...). This is poshut and obvious to anyone who has a connection to bochurim in that age group (be it ones child, relative etc.). VAKML bedovor hamavhil.

[Meshulam]

Much of the above rant is sensible, but much of it is... product of some fairly slanted propaganda. I would challenge the OP to bring a single statement of the Rebbe to the effect that a Lubavitcher shouldn't go into business (whatever that means).

[Torah613]

For a data point - I personally know of people that wanted to go on shlichus, and were told to go into business instead. Though - אין למדים מן הכללות אפילו במקום שנאמר בו חוץ, so I don't know it that is enough to build on either way.

But in any case - IMO statements like these

But how can you be a true Lubavitcher and not dream of going on Shlichus? How could you imagine not doing your utmost for the Rebbe? There is a new wave of Lubavitcher young men going into business and even going to college. How far this is from the Rebbe's wishes?! What makes these young men want to exchange their lofty roles in the Rebbe's special Army for professions more appropriate for our Baalei Teshuva Baalei Batim? Would a Kohen ever dream of changing places with a Yisroel?! And most times, it goes much farther than Shlichus or business. Unfortunately, these young men's Chassidishkeit quickly decreases, and after Halacha follows, it seems even when they manage to continue wearing a hat and Kapote on Shabbos, that it's only a costume...

end up being a self fulfilling prophecy, for those that don't make it into shlichus for whatever reason.

[noahidelaws]

I agree that every chossid should dream of going on shlichus full-time. And I agree that some are cut out for it, but choose not to do it because of reasons that are in fact pretexts. But still, not everyone is cut out for it, at least not in the standard sense.

[Torah613]

Originally Posted by Mendy_770

After getting my Semicha, I was shocked to learn there wasn't any Dayonus program in Lubavitch. Everybody in both my Parents' families have Dayonus, and it was fairly common not so long ago. It's not because you're a Shliach that all you need is a Semicha; the learning a Dayonus requires can be so helpful to a Shliach unless you regard Shlichus as mostly social work. Anyway, what happened to the thirst for learning, even if it's not mandatory?

It may have been common (something that is in itself questionable), but there was never a "program". If someone wanted to learn dayonus, he got himself a chavrusa and learned it, and then got tested (same with YD, for that matter, before the advent of "programs"). I am sure (but can be mistaken) that one can be tested in dayonus today also (if not there are always other options...). So I do not exactly understand the complaint.

[MahTovChelkeinu]

It may have been common (something that is in itself questionable), but there was never a "program". If someone wanted to learn dayonus, he got himself a chavrusa and learned it, and then got tested (same with YD, for that matter, before the advent of "programs"). I am sure (but can be mistaken) that one can be tested in dayonus today also (if not there are always other options...). So I do not exactly understand the complaint.

Without naming names. I know a few guys who have at least started Dayanus in 770, frequently because they are still single and want to keep learning after smichah. In addition, I know of two shluchim who are not Rabbonim who have dayonis. And I imagine all or most of the active poskening Rabbonim learned Dayonus when needed.

Most folks want Smichah, so it makes sense to set up programs to help people achieve the goal. Also, programs frequently enrich the learning experience with the help of a good teacher and make the testing go smoother thanks the volume of students. Dayonis does not have these characteristics because it is a relatively rare goal.

[Torah613]

So I take it that you are agreeing with me...

[MahTovChelkeinu]

Yes, just chiming in my own experience.

[Meshulam]

Now Noah has chimed in with similarly unsourced statements to the effect that everyone should *want* to go into shlichus, and that Chassidim who go "into business" (once again, whatever that generalization means) are somehow "Yisroel" to the shaliach's "Kohen."

I would be interested in seeing a single statement from the Rebbe in support of that overgeneralization.

[Torah613]

The Yisroel and Kohen comment is the OP's, not Noah's.

[Meshulam]

Thanks for pointing that out. I recognize that Noah and OP might not be in total agreement. It looked as though Noah was adopting OP's position. If that is not true, I apologize for lumping them together.

[noahidelaws]

The Rebbe called on all chassidim to go on shlichus. So that is what we as chassidim should want to do. If we are genuinely unable, it doesn't change the fact that we aren't doing it.

[Meshulam]

Once again, please cite to a specific statement so that the language of the statement can be analyzed. Find me a place where the Rebbe said that ALL chassidim must eschew "business" in order to "go on shlichus."

[MahTovChelkeinu]

The Rebbe called on all chassidim to go on shlichus. So that is what we as chassidim should want to do. If we are genuinely unable, it doesn't change the fact that we aren't doing it.

This is where I feel you and the OP are wrong. The Rebbe did not say we should be shluchim, he said we are shluchim. That a Jew should recognize that everywhere he goes, he is a representative of Hashem. What the Rebbe said is that we should take advantage of that fact that we are on Shlichus to the best of our ability.

A person who goes out to do business can still be a shliach. I know guys who keep tefillin in their office in case a Yid comes in for any reason. I know someone who works with a bunch of secular Russian Jews - guess who makes a huge Purim party every year and has a bochur there to leyn Megillah? When I go to Court, I get told Shalom Aleichem at least once per trip because there I am, a beard and yamulka, who'd have thought.

I want you to show me where the Rebbe said that it is not appropriate for people to derive their income from something other than Chabad house donations. It does not exist.

[existwhere?]

I'm very impressed by your post. I hope you will be able to effect the change you seek.

[noahidelaws]

Find me a place where the Rebbe said that ALL chassidim must eschew "business" in order to "go on shlichus."

The Rebbe never said it in that way ("all"), and I never said that he did. I said that the Rebbe called on chassidim to go on shlichus. Nothing controversial there, I hope.

[MahTovChelkeinu]

Originally Posted by noahidelaws

The Rebbe called on all chassidim to go on shlichus. So that is what we as chassidim should want to do. If we are genuinely unable, it doesn't change the fact that we aren't doing it.

(Emphasis is mine).

Originally Posted by noahidelaws

The Rebbe never said it in that way ("all"), and I never said that he did. I said that the Rebbe called on chassidim to go on shlichus. Nothing controversial there, I hope.

(Again, emphasis mine.) Yes you did.

It is controversial the way you mean shlichus. The Rebbe did not call on everyone to be professional Rabbis who derive their parnosa from Chabad house donations. He didn't even call on FFB Tomchei alumni to do that. Sure, he spoke of the importance of mivtzoyim, being a lamp lighter, getting another Jew to do another mitzvah. But that is not what you mean when you say shlichus.

[MahTovChelkeinu]

And I don't mean to pick on Noah or the OP by the way. I think this is a common misconception among Chabad youth (and overzealous parents of Chabad youth). Maybe university is an issue, maybe there is a need for good Rabbis in the world, but that does not mean that the Rebbe wanted everyone making their money from Rabbonus.

[noahidelaws]

I think the Rebbe knows there might be exceptions to the rule, but that's what he wants as the rule. And the point is not to make money from rabbonus, but to spread Yiddishkeit and Chassidus full-time.

[Torah613]

So the contention is, that there is no "group" of people that are classified as "shluchim"? Is it merely a function of whether someone spends his spare time doing things of kedusha/hafotzo/kiruv etc etc?

[PS: I did not weigh in on the question whether everyone has to be a shliach].

[noahidelaws]

I take it you are addressing MTC. I agree with you that although the Rebbe said that e/one is a shliach, those who do so full-time are in a different category.

[MahTovChelkeinu]

So the contention is, that there is no "group" of people that are classified as "shluchim"? Is it merely a function of whether someone spends his spare time doing things of kedusha/hafotzo/kiruv etc etc?

Exactly the opposite. It is a question of what a person spends the majority of his time doing, not his spare time.

"Shluchim" spend the majority of their time talking to people whom they hope will give them money, or preparing for the opportunity to talk to people who will give them money. Obviously, they try to give time to others as well, and most do, but the realities of the job require giving most of one's time to those who can keep the lights on.

Business people do the exact same.

In both cases, the Rebbe taught us that while we are asking for money, we have a responsibility to be a shliach to this person. Show him the high standard of middos the Torah perscribes. Show him the joy that a Chossid feels on Friday before Shabbos...

If a person ran a Chabad house and spent his spare time learning Torah (rather than doing hafatza etc) you would still call him a shliach. A business person can spend his spare time in a Beis Midrash, learning Torah with the same person who does not need any hafatza, and yet his status as a shliach is similarly unchanged. Likewise if you give the same comparison with something less lofty than learning.

Now there is certainly a need for folks to spend their time in "Klei Kodesh," particularly opening up new Chabad centers, supporting existing ones and building Jewish infrastructure in established cities. As a matter of convenience we call these people "Shluchim," but the term should not be limitted to them. I agree the Rebbe wanted a lot of us to get into that line of work, and definitely to at least consider it as an option, but I do not agree that a person is "missing out" by going another direction.

This notion that "hafatza" is "what I do when I'm not making money" is fundamentally flawed. It creates some semantics problems to realize this, but it also explains how the Rebbe can insist that everyone is a shliach and still expect there to be Jewish doctors, lawyers, contractors, etc etc.