Talking to the opposite gender - Jewish Forum & Discussions

awertvbh1 · 10-01-2002, 08:16 PM

i know its a weird qestion and that it shouldnt enter my mind...but why is it worng for a girl to talk to a boy and a boy to talk to a girl?? its not like you are going to do soemthing crazy with them! unless you are crazy! but i just dont understand ?
and what if your parnets allow you to talk to guys/girls? what do you do? is it ok then or still wrong??
could n e one help me?

Jude · 10-01-2002, 08:33 PM

Check out the following threads: Relationships and Speaking to the Opposite Gender

awertvbh1 · 10-01-2002, 08:36 PM

thanx

Jude · 10-01-2002, 09:02 PM

also Mixed Schools and Halacha about Speech ... (in the Sensitive section)

awertvbh1 · 10-01-2002, 09:05 PM

ok thanx a million gn

walter · 10-02-2002, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by awertvbh1
i know its a weird qestion and that it shouldnt enter my mind...but why is it worng for a girl to talk to a boy and a boy to talk to a girl?? its not like you are going to do soemthing crazy with them! unless you are crazy! but i just dont understand ?
and what if your parnets allow you to talk to guys/girls? what do you do? is it ok then or still wrong??
could n e one help me?

Your question is not weird but one that many young folks ask. Your desire to talk with a * * * * * * * * * is a natural part of growing up. Although your desire is healthy.., or natural, shouldn't imply that one should follow through with their heart. If you are Orthodox, you know what is expected of you. If your parents do not enforce Jewish Law is does not mean the Law is wrong.., but only that your parents do not realize it's importance. It is never ok to do wrong. never.

awertvbh1 · 10-02-2002, 04:56 PM

but why is it worng????
why is there that desire??

Jude · 10-02-2002, 04:59 PM

<<but why is it worng????>>

because halacha says so (do you understand why stealing is wrong? how about lying?)

<<why is there that desire??>>

so you get married!

awertvbh1 · 10-02-2002, 05:25 PM

no not a desire toi get married but rather to talk to guys when you are young!!!
why is talking to a guy more exciting why is it more enjoyable??

Jude · 10-02-2002, 05:32 PM

because at that age you are physically ready for marriage, whether you do so or not
and because forbidden waters are sweet

walter · 10-03-2002, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by awertvbh1
but why is it worng????
why is there that desire??

Dear Friend,
I have a son [22] and daughter [19] who grew up in a household where they had much freedom. My wife and I thought we were pretty cool parents. My son, six months ago became a father and is not planning on getting married to the young lady who born his child. Although they live together.., they are both very unhappy. My daughter recently got a job at a bar/restaurant where the women's outward appearance is needless to say risky. I consider both of my children good kids with not so good parents. There was no direction, no law, only freedom to act out their every desire. Laws sometimes may seem difficult to understand as they seem to keep us from enjoying life to it's fullest. But really, law looks out for our best interest and your obedience secures you a future minus the many heart breaks that life may sit before you. Your world can be one of two realities.., I wish you a world where Law will bring you to the place we all desire.

awertvbh1 · 10-05-2002, 06:55 PM

ok firstly how does ur son have a kid if hes not married??
thats just wrong even if u did let him do wtvr when he was a teen my god at leats teach him about....
i would never think of such things thoes thougts dont even enter my mind (to have a child work in a bar...) but why not just talk to guy/girl?? there nothing WRONG with that!!
wow im in total shock bouty hearing bout ur kids!!
the only thing that i desire is to talk to a guy/girl!!!
wtvr thanx for telling me ur story ne way good luck

Dr. Yisroel · 10-05-2002, 09:11 PM

I think your question is a good one. Why not talk to boys? After all, its only talking! Nothing else!

Yeah right!! The rabbis created something called "muksah". The purpose of creating this is so we dont come to do what is really wrong.

There is no way that it is just talking. One thing leads to the next. Its a fact of life. The human condition. Its expected. Hence, to refrain from this happening........

awertvbh1 · 10-05-2002, 09:29 PM

i know so many ppl who just SPOKE to guys/girls it didnt lead to ne thing!! seriously!! i mean i no other ppl on the other hand.. but still i just dont see why it should be down right WRONG!!

Dr. Yisroel · 10-05-2002, 09:52 PM

I don't believe it! I have heard this one for years. I don't mean to be harsh, but I work with lots of Jewish teens. They say the same thing.

awertvbh1 · 10-05-2002, 09:54 PM

seriously!!
i no people and im really close with them and i n0o they r not lieing all they do is talk nothing more then friendsly talk!!!
why is that worng??
they dont like eachother in n e other way but friends!!
i dont see somethingw rong with that

Dr. Yisroel · 10-05-2002, 09:59 PM

I'd like to know how long they have known these people. Is it serious? Do they only know them as internet buddies? Tell me details.

awertvbh1 · 10-05-2002, 10:01 PM

the most they have "done" was talk on the phone privatly if not they have been togther by family gathering but they are litaraly best freinds that all they dont touch or kiss or wtvr else is going threw ur minds they r bouth very much into learning... besides for that they talk to eachother

Dr. Yisroel · 10-05-2002, 10:05 PM

I see. So you say that you want to have a friend who happens to be a boy and you want to talk to him. Tell me what are your motives?

awertvbh1 · 10-05-2002, 10:07 PM

not me not I want ...
just why is it wrong why is it not allowed?
nothing "bad" is happening if ne thing good!!
ppl ehlping eachother...

Dr. Yisroel · 10-05-2002, 10:09 PM

Who said it is wrong! It's not wrong!

As I said before it is like muktza. Its a means to an ends.

awertvbh1 · 10-05-2002, 10:11 PM

then why is that when u r marrigabke age and the guy knows the girl spoke to guys they woulnt go outwith her"?

Dr. Yisroel · 10-05-2002, 10:28 PM

Sorry, I didn't finish my previous one.

Why would anyone want to talk to a "guy" (as you call it). Talk to another girl. There are so many out there. The reason why talk to a "guy" is b/c of chemistry.

Something is happening during the converstaion. Whether its concious or subconcious.

There is no way for a teeenage girl to talk to a teenage boy and not have feelings. This is the way G-d created us.

......One thing leads to the next!

awertvbh1 · 10-06-2002, 08:27 AM

no u cant talk to another girl alot because you have compatition with her tahts they way most girls work they are every into themslefs not listening to u.. i dont know its weird andf i thnk thta it is possible to have conversatoin witha guy with out chemistry

Jude · 10-06-2002, 08:40 AM

two things:
first of all, about your shock over Walter's story, Walter has said elsewhere that he is not Jewish
secondly, I heard a talk given by a Rabbi to modern sem girls (not Lub.) about "platonic relationships." His message, said in a good-humored way which wasn't offensive, was that when it comes to these things, girls are "stupid." This is because girls (and you prove the point), are happy to "just be friends" with boys. What's stupid is that the girls remain oblivious to the fact that for the boys it's not about "just being friends"! Girls deny this and say things like, "oh, but not him" but boy are they wrong!

10-01-2002, 08:16 PM	#1
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	Talking to the opposite gender i know its a weird qestion and that it shouldnt enter my mind...but why is it worng for a girl to talk to a boy and a boy to talk to a girl?? its not like you are going to do soemthing crazy with them! unless you are crazy! but i just dont understand ? and what if your parnets allow you to talk to guys/girls? what do you do? is it ok then or still wrong?? could n e one help me? __________________ from a jewish teen

10-01-2002, 08:36 PM	#3
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	thanx __________________ from a jewish teen

10-01-2002, 09:05 PM	#5
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	ok thanx a million gn __________________ from a jewish teen

10-02-2002, 04:56 PM	#7
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	but why is it worng???? why is there that desire?? __________________ from a jewish teen

10-02-2002, 05:25 PM	#9
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	no not a desire toi get married but rather to talk to guys when you are young!!! why is talking to a guy more exciting why is it more enjoyable?? __________________ from a jewish teen

10-01-2002, 08:33 PM	#2
Jude Executive Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,345	Check out the following threads: Relationships and Speaking to the Opposite Gender

10-01-2002, 09:02 PM	#4
Jude Executive Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,345	also Mixed Schools and Halacha about Speech ... (in the Sensitive section)

10-02-2002, 04:59 PM	#8
Jude Executive Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,345	<<but why is it worng????>> because halacha says so (do you understand why stealing is wrong? how about lying?) <<why is there that desire??>> so you get married!

10-02-2002, 05:32 PM	#10
Jude Executive Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,345	because at that age you are physically ready for marriage, whether you do so or not and because forbidden waters are sweet

10-05-2002, 06:55 PM	#12
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	ok firstly how does ur son have a kid if hes not married?? thats just wrong even if u did let him do wtvr when he was a teen my god at leats teach him about.... i would never think of such things thoes thougts dont even enter my mind (to have a child work in a bar...) but why not just talk to guy/girl?? there nothing WRONG with that!! wow im in total shock bouty hearing bout ur kids!! the only thing that i desire is to talk to a guy/girl!!! wtvr thanx for telling me ur story ne way good luck __________________ from a jewish teen

10-05-2002, 09:11 PM	#13
Dr. Yisroel Executive Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 313	I think your question is a good one. Why not talk to boys? After all, its only talking! Nothing else! Yeah right!! The rabbis created something called "muksah". The purpose of creating this is so we dont come to do what is really wrong. There is no way that it is just talking. One thing leads to the next. Its a fact of life. The human condition. Its expected. Hence, to refrain from this happening........ __________________ Yisroel

10-05-2002, 09:29 PM	#14
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	i know so many ppl who just SPOKE to guys/girls it didnt lead to ne thing!! seriously!! i mean i no other ppl on the other hand.. but still i just dont see why it should be down right WRONG!! __________________ from a jewish teen

10-05-2002, 09:52 PM	#15
Dr. Yisroel Executive Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 313	I don't believe it! I have heard this one for years. I don't mean to be harsh, but I work with lots of Jewish teens. They say the same thing. __________________ Yisroel

10-05-2002, 09:54 PM	#16
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	seriously!! i no people and im really close with them and i n0o they r not lieing all they do is talk nothing more then friendsly talk!!! why is that worng?? they dont like eachother in n e other way but friends!! i dont see somethingw rong with that __________________ from a jewish teen

10-05-2002, 09:59 PM	#17
Dr. Yisroel Executive Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 313	I'd like to know how long they have known these people. Is it serious? Do they only know them as internet buddies? Tell me details. __________________ Yisroel

10-05-2002, 10:01 PM	#18
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	the most they have "done" was talk on the phone privatly if not they have been togther by family gathering but they are litaraly best freinds that all they dont touch or kiss or wtvr else is going threw ur minds they r bouth very much into learning... besides for that they talk to eachother __________________ from a jewish teen

10-05-2002, 10:05 PM	#19
Dr. Yisroel Executive Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 313	I see. So you say that you want to have a friend who happens to be a boy and you want to talk to him. Tell me what are your motives? __________________ Yisroel

10-05-2002, 10:07 PM	#20
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	not me not I want ... just why is it wrong why is it not allowed? nothing "bad" is happening if ne thing good!! ppl ehlping eachother... __________________ from a jewish teen

10-05-2002, 10:09 PM	#21
Dr. Yisroel Executive Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 313	Who said it is wrong! It's not wrong! As I said before it is like muktza. Its a means to an ends. __________________ Yisroel

10-05-2002, 10:11 PM	#22
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	then why is that when u r marrigabke age and the guy knows the girl spoke to guys they woulnt go outwith her"? __________________ from a jewish teen

10-05-2002, 10:28 PM	#23
Dr. Yisroel Executive Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 313	Sorry, I didn't finish my previous one. Why would anyone want to talk to a "guy" (as you call it). Talk to another girl. There are so many out there. The reason why talk to a "guy" is b/c of chemistry. Something is happening during the converstaion. Whether its concious or subconcious. There is no way for a teeenage girl to talk to a teenage boy and not have feelings. This is the way G-d created us. ......One thing leads to the next! __________________ Yisroel

10-06-2002, 08:27 AM	#24
awertvbh1 Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 69	no u cant talk to another girl alot because you have compatition with her tahts they way most girls work they are every into themslefs not listening to u.. i dont know its weird andf i thnk thta it is possible to have conversatoin witha guy with out chemistry __________________ from a jewish teen

10-06-2002, 08:40 AM	#25
Jude Executive Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,345	two things: first of all, about your shock over Walter's story, Walter has said elsewhere that he is not Jewish secondly, I heard a talk given by a Rabbi to modern sem girls (not Lub.) about "platonic relationships." His message, said in a good-humored way which wasn't offensive, was that when it comes to these things, girls are "stupid." This is because girls (and you prove the point), are happy to "just be friends" with boys. What's stupid is that the girls remain oblivious to the fact that for the boys it's not about "just being friends"! Girls deny this and say things like, "oh, but not him" but boy are they wrong!

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