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Unread 12-06-2002, 03:50 AM   #126
hishtatchus
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I think for a teen it works best when the Mashpia is just out of (...or still in) teenhood, or has teenaged kids! Otherwise they CANNOT relate to our idiosyncracies.
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Unread 12-06-2002, 03:50 PM   #127
WayTooEarnest
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Noahide, when I was in the shidduch parsha for my daughter,
I took a newlywed couple (22 yrs old) __ very___much younger
than me, to be a 'Mashpia-Team": they were mature, they cared
about us, and they were closer to the inyan than an older person
would be. Their Hoshpa'a was invaluable(Maybe this proves I'm
intelligent, to be able to learn from others)
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Unread 12-09-2002, 02:17 AM   #128
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WayTooEarnest: I assume you also had separate Mashpiim, that this "team" was for this issue only?
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Unread 12-09-2002, 11:27 AM   #129
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in yeshiva i had a mashpia who was slightly younger than me, but had great insight. He could see exactly who I was, what I was trying to be, and what was holding me back. We were great freinds and together we worked through it.
I had previously had a mashpia who was quite a bit older, and so had a 'been there, done that' advantage. However, I would go over and ask his advice in a particular situation, and it seemed too textbook style for me, it just wasn't natural. The second one, a good friend with insight was definitely the best for me.
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Unread 12-09-2002, 12:49 PM   #130
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that was written in the "past tense"
what about the present?

uh oh! the last time I asked someone that, they said their mashpia dumped them!
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Unread 12-09-2002, 01:20 PM   #131
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i should have said that i found a mashpia in yeshiva, not i had a mashpia. He still continues to inspire me.
Any more questions?...maybe you want the name too?
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Unread 12-09-2002, 01:29 PM   #132
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well, last week "kabbalist" was looking for a mashpia
maybe you can share the info. with him
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Unread 12-09-2002, 10:28 PM   #133
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Re: post #148. Yeah, Histatchus, the newlywed-mashpia team was only for the inyan of shidduchim - I have/had a regular, steady mashpia. Bye the way, I once had the experience of being refused (rejected) by a mashpia. And I once (discreetly)
switched from one Mashpia to another. I lost respect for the judgement of first Mashpia (I omit the details to protect his/her
privacy - it had to do with a health/medical issue - I didn't want a stupid person to be my mashpia. But I didn't tell him/her about it - I just gradually stopped asking for their hoshpa'a )
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Unread 12-12-2002, 02:33 PM   #134
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Quote:
Originally posted by WayTooEarnest
Noahide, when I was in the shidduch parsha for my daughter,
I took a newlywed couple (22 yrs old) __ very___much younger
than me, to be a 'Mashpia-Team": they were mature, they cared
about us, and they were closer to the inyan than an older person
would be.
BS"D Yup - Ain chochom ke'baal nisayon!
(None is as wise as he who has experience!)
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Unread 12-12-2002, 02:58 PM   #135
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...and it sure helps when that experience is in the recent past and not a faint memory!
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Unread 12-12-2002, 03:09 PM   #136
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BS"D Yup again.
Though even those older people who deal regularly with teenagers get, uh, educated...
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Unread 12-13-2002, 11:28 AM   #137
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...To their eternal disappointment! Face it, we're WEIRD!
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Unread 12-16-2002, 11:20 PM   #138
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BS"D I take it that you use the word "we" loosely, that you mean "the royal we" or the like, you surely have no intention of revealing your approximate age, or making assumptions about the ages of others, now, do you?
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Unread 12-17-2002, 01:14 AM   #139
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I just figured that with all the inadverdent hints that I've been dropping, it would be obvious which category I fall into ... but regardless, I'm definitely a teen at heart!
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Unread 12-19-2002, 12:19 AM   #140
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so that means ur a golden oldie hey well say hi causde here comes the young pple
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Unread 12-19-2002, 02:47 AM   #141
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I don't think there IS such a thing as a Senior Gold Member!
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Unread 12-19-2002, 09:56 PM   #142
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lol.....ive just inititated it
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Unread 12-21-2002, 09:28 PM   #143
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Ok, heres the problem, I know I should have a mashpia and i really want one cuz after all it was a bakasha nafshis from the rebbe. The thing is, I dont know where to find one. Should it be a friend? or not? some one you know and trust? or someone who the only relationship is mashpia to mushpa? someone older? or maybe someone younger but smarter? where do i find her? how do i ask her? what do i do?
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Unread 12-21-2002, 10:28 PM   #144
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BS"D Have you read this thread? All the questions you ask are addressed therein.
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Unread 12-22-2002, 03:05 AM   #145
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I read the thread, my questions were not all answered. This is something that is really weighing on my mind because I really want to find a mashpia.
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Unread 12-22-2002, 02:58 PM   #146
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Quote:
Originally posted by HaMaysehHa'ikar
The thing is, I dont know where to find one. Should it be a friend? or not? some one you know and trust? or someone who the only relationship is mashpia to mushpa? someone older? or maybe someone younger but smarter? where do i find her? how do i ask her? what do i do?
BS"D[list=1][*]Should be local, someone easily accessible[*]A friend i.e. a peer? No, it should be someone you look up to, although there are feelings involved which are very similar to a friendship[*]Do you mean - know on a personal level? Not necessarily. But you know the person enough that you feel you can trust them. This could also be via recommendation of others whom you trust.[*]Usually older works better, because human nature is not to accept advice of younger people in such a way. But if there is someone exceptional, then perhaps an exception could be made. The main thing is that you feel confident in this person's advice. And I don't think it's a matter of intelligence per se, but "wisdom."[*]You find her by looking sincerely.[*]You ask her directly.[*]What you do is talk openly.[/list=1]
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Unread 12-22-2002, 04:15 PM   #147
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HaMayseh-
A mashpia is not binding. If you really are looking for a mashpia, get one. Just ask someone. I'm sure there is someone who you respect. True, it'll be embarrassing. It takes bittul. So you'll ask (sometimes it's easier to write a letter) and you'll have a mashpia iyh. Then, if they are not good for you, you can still find another one. It'll be kind of like stalling for time.
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Unread 01-05-2003, 12:23 AM   #148
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What is the deal with "Finding a Mashpia while searching through the web......"??? I will address my "issues" here, b/c I don't want to get mixed in over there.

1. Why can't your mashpia be yechi or not? If your mashpia is good enough, they will help you come to a decision without stuffing their opinions down your throat. And if you feel that they are stuffing their opinions down their throat, either a) tell them that you are uncomftorble b) get a new mashpia c) deal with it (well, you shouldn't really but it didn't look right with only two options!)

2. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD SOMEBODY GO TO ANOTHER'S MASHPIA AND TELL THEM THEY ARE NOT DEALING WELL?? If my friend's mashpia told my friend to wear a yechi yarmulka, and I didn't think that she should be wearing a yechi yarmulka, tough luck. Then she shouldn't be MY mashpia. But to go to her and tell her that she shouldn't tell this friend to wear a yechi yarmulka? Thats' nuts. If the friend has a problem, let the friend deal with it and her mashpia. But I don't need to be involved AT ALL.

3. re ha'nal, why do I know who my friend's mashpia is, anyway???
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Unread 01-05-2003, 12:51 AM   #149
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1. nachon hadavar!

2. < < I didn't think that she should be wearing a yechi yarmulka > > lol- I don't think she should either... or any Yarmulka, for that matter!
But seriously, I never heard of anyone making comments either about how a Mashpia dealt with an issue, or what a Mashpia should say. The only time you ever go to someone's Mashpia (in my opinion) is if you know something that you feel is important for the Mashpia to know, for the good of the Mushpa (very rare).

3. Some people are not so reserved about the identity of their Mashpia- in my high school, most people knew who had whom as a Mashpia. It's not so bad !
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Unread 01-05-2003, 01:44 AM   #150
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<<lol- I don't think she should either... or any Yarmulka, for that matter!>>

Ya, well it was a lot easier to make her wear a yarmulka for a few minutes then turn us all into boys!!!!

<<Maybe if you know the mashpia (as you probally do if you think he is not right) go and ask his point a view on things that you disagree with.
Also you can tell him why you think there is a problem in him being a mashpia over that certain individual.>>

This is a direct copy from the "Finding a Mashpia while climbing through the web of issues (teenagers)". And that is what I was referring to.
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