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Unread 11-25-2002, 06:51 PM   #101
Jude
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as I wrote my post, I must admit it was hard to imagine having a friend who's a psychiatrist!
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Unread 11-26-2002, 12:17 AM   #102
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when i wrote psychiatrist i mean a real certified psychiatrist, some times thats the only person who can really solve an issue, and a lot of people mistake a mashpia for that, i've seen it myself, people, especially teenagers , often confuse a mashpia for proffessional help!
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Unread 11-26-2002, 12:31 AM   #103
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And for many people going for professional help has become a substitute for working on matters of Ratzon (creating a WILL to do something). I can point to specific instances in my life where I suppose I would have been reccommended as a candidate for professional help, but working on it with a Mashpia produced much stronger, internalized results. (B"H I had a Mashpia willing to give me that kind of time!)

Because what I realized- hormones, tendencies, or whatever- what is most important is my response, the way I deal with it. A tendency towards self-pity or depression or anything can be controlled- if you want to. My Mashpia inspired me to create such a Ratzon. A psychologist could have analyzed me, put me on medications, or anything- but only a Mashpia could really see how to make me WANT to change.
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Unread 11-26-2002, 12:02 PM   #104
Jude
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but you're the one who wrote:

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(IY"H when I get a Mashpia I'll increase my Iskafya and not do that any more.)
you mean you had such a SUPER mashpia, but that's in the past??
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Unread 11-26-2002, 02:38 PM   #105
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She dumped me
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Unread 11-26-2002, 04:50 PM   #106
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did she ask her mashpia before doing so?
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Unread 11-26-2002, 06:02 PM   #107
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i never heard of mashpias dumping their mushpas!
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Unread 11-26-2002, 06:03 PM   #108
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ok i guess i learn sumthin new every day!
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Unread 12-01-2002, 02:45 AM   #109
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yeah i must saqy my person that i talk to is trying ot get me to see a professoinal and for a very good reason but nuthing beats the person hu knows you as well as the prob . but u never know im actually considereing it b/c sum probs your person just cant handle ontheir own. but mb what u can do if u are hesitant to go to a professoinal you can go TOGETHER WITH you mashpia
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Unread 12-02-2002, 12:31 AM   #110
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i agree with that, there are some times when really proffessional help is the help a person needs, and yoru mashpia will guide you to make sure you end up with the correct professional help.
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She dumped me
i hat e when ppl use the word "dumped me" for a mashpia, it kills the whole thing, a mashpia is ther for you to grown and become a better person and if its not being done, then the mashpia can recommend you get s/o else, but i wouldnt call that "dumping" that give s a whole different tone to it, know what i mean?
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Unread 12-02-2002, 04:21 AM   #111
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yeah but afta you beconme close to them they know ur hole life satory and they say go see sum1 else it sort of feels like they donm wanna know ort help u nemore
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Unread 12-02-2002, 01:47 PM   #112
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I guess I shouldn't really use that term because of the connotation, but like unowho says, it's the only word strong enough in this scenario- a real sad end to a wonderful relationship! (even though she's still my friend... now I feel bad asking her advice as a friend, because the close relationship ended over asking advice!)

And yeah, Jude, she asked her Mashpia
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Unread 12-02-2002, 01:48 PM   #113
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Unowho, I really like your piece of advice about going WITH your Mashpia if she thinks you should see a professional. Besides the obvious confidence boost, the Mashpia can make sure the non-Jewish Hashkafa (outlook) doesn't filter into you.
It might even help with the stigma... IOW if my Mashpia felt that it was a positive thing enough that she was willing to accompany me, it can't be such a bad thing.
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Unread 12-03-2002, 12:23 AM   #114
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Quote:
Originally posted by hishtatchus
She dumped me
Quote:
Originally posted by unowho
but afta you beconme close to them they know ur hole life satory and they say go see sum1 else it sort of feels like they donm wanna know ort help u nemore
BS"D I agree with unowho - imho your choice of words, hishtatchus, is most appropriate.
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Unread 12-04-2002, 12:27 AM   #115
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can someone here tell me what is the difference between a person you 'talk' to and she give u advice and a mashpia where does this 'step' come into it all?
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Unread 12-04-2002, 12:39 AM   #116
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BS"D The word "mashpia" is being used in this thread to refer to just such a person, with the understanding that this is someone who bases his/her responses on Torah sources in general and advice of the Rebbeim in particular.

I suppose, though, that the person takes on the title of "Rav" or "Mashpia" when s/he is directly, "officially" asked to do so.
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Unread 12-04-2002, 10:07 PM   #117
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Quote:
can someone here tell me what is the difference between a person you 'talk' to and she give u advice and a mashpia where does this 'step' come into it all?
someone you "talk to" not necessarily are you valuing their opinion and there can be many ppl you talk to but a mashpia is someone who you value their opinion and htey now have a direct link between you and the rebbe, lots of high school kids are reluctant to get a mashpia cuz its too embarrasing etc etc and they think theyre yoitze with the fact that they have someone to talk to , but that doesnt count as a mashpia cuz chances are youll listen to them only when its for your benefit.
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Unread 12-05-2002, 04:04 AM   #118
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hey im a teenage and it IS embaressing ot have a person u talk to specially if they r much older than u.so they have a valid reasonwhat uif the person doesnot have such a strong connectoin with all the rebbe stuff?
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Unread 12-05-2002, 11:03 AM   #119
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I don't understand what you are saying. You want a person who you can talk to that is not connected to the "Rebbe stuff?" Then why are you getting a mashpia? That's "Rebbe stuff!"
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Unread 12-05-2002, 03:05 PM   #120
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sure it may be embarrasin for the first bit - it takes a lot of bittul to get a mashpia, but yknwo what, that bittul is healthy for the ego! and it doesnt have to be someone so much older than u, and everyone need s that "Rebbe stuff" if you want to get to the right place in life! a mashpia is there for your good only and get s the help of the Rebbe, who would want to pass up the oppurtunity for such a strong connection with the Rebbe???
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Unread 12-05-2002, 03:27 PM   #121
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Quote:
Originally posted by c'mon
and it doesnt have to be someone so much older than u,

Is there an age limit that your mashpia has to be older than you ( I know, I know that didn't make sense). Some of my friends have mashpios who are old enough to be their grandmother (well, not exaclty!! Yknow, embellishing stories , the Rebbe supposedly said you could! ) and others have mashpios who are just a few years older than them.
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Unread 12-05-2002, 04:02 PM   #122
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BS"D The Rebbe said that if one cannot find someone older to choose as mashpia, one should even choose someone younger than oneself. For even though that person may be relatively lacking in wisdom compared to the older person, he can still offer an ousider's perspective on the personal problems about which the individual himself is biased.
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Unread 12-05-2002, 04:20 PM   #123
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but older is the best? How much older?
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Unread 12-05-2002, 04:27 PM   #124
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BS"D Old enough to be "wise"! Different people mature at different ages.

Let's put it this way - if you have confidence in the mashpia despite the person's younger age, then it would seem that that is an indication that the person is suitable.

Also, as I believe lubamessimaniac pointed out, sometimes young people relate better to people closer to their age, and so will more readily accept advice from them.
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Unread 12-06-2002, 12:40 AM   #125
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i dont think age is so imptnt here, the main thing is that its someone you respect, someone you feel is wiser than you, someone you can relate to, and someone who you feel comfortable with, and for everyone the person who fits into that category is a diff age, some need someone 20 yrs older, some a year older, some only 3 years older, age isnt the important factor here, its the actual person thats important
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