Jewish Forum & Discussions - Chabad Talk  

Go Back   Jewish Forum & Discussions - Chabad Talk > Torah and Judaism > Chinuch

Reply
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Unread 10-25-2008, 10:25 PM   #1
memyselfandi
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 37
Unhappy how can i get out of this situation?

Last year I started a thread about my situation at school: http://www.chabadtalk.com/forum/showthread.php3?t=9122.
I was supposed to go away this year for 8th grade, but at the last minute my mother decided she doesn't want me to go away. Now my parents say that they can't afford it. My school is much worse this year. the laws of shomer negiah have disappeared, my teacher allows and doesn't discourage foul language in her class, my limited amount of jewish education has lessened because now my class has 6th and 7th graders in it who are on a much lower level than us, my class is more disgusting than ever and i have to be surrounded by them all day. earlier in the year i almost gave up and i decided that i would talk to boys.
another addition to my current problems is that i can't stand my family anymore.my parents are divorced, my mom isn't frum, my dad is starting to be more on the modern orthodox side, my sister is in a foreign country in high school having the time of her life and getting a good jewish education, my little sister is starting to follow my mother's path, my family has serious problems with loshon hara, and i'm stuck in the middle of all this, a lubavitcher, trying to survive at a co-ed, modern orthodox school. i have no social life, no good jewish education, no good atmosphere where i can grow as a chosid, and that's all i want! i seriously cannot spend the rest of the year here.
i need advice. the chabad rabbi can't help because my father doesn't listen to anything he says. is there any way i can convince them?
thanks for your help.
memyselfandi is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 05:28 AM   #2
Majorthinker
Executive Diamond Member
 
Majorthinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,615
email me: myquestion4yaldah@ gmail. com
__________________
!חסידים איין משפחה
One big happy family!

הוי כתלמידיו של אהרן הכהן!
Majorthinker is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 12:12 PM   #3
tiferet
Member
 
tiferet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 59
Message

I can relate. sometimes i am surrounded by people that are discouraging my yiddishkeit...it's not that they discourage it, they just bring me to be discouraged in myself...i feel like they see me as a fool to be believing in what i believe in, and even more so acting so different, that i think-maybe i am being "too religious" and being foolish. it happens to me every once in a while - mostly when visiting certain family members...or even sometimes with my own family.

now i don't know if this at all is what you feel, but i realized something that helped me, that might also help you with your situation.

i realized, that you can't change everyone around you. You can't miraculously make them more religious, or caring, or nice...you can only change yourself. Then they change.

That's what being a chassid is aaallll about-Shlichus.
Wherever you are- you are on a mission. Hashem put you there, and he knows exactly what you're going through

The Rebbe said that a chassid is someone that creates his own environment-wherever he is.
being a chassid is more than just a label, it's more than going to a chabad school, it's about being strong in yourself.
you have an opportunity that nobody else has! you have the opportunity to find the yiddishkeit in yourself ,to do what you believe in because it's what you believe in, and not just because that's what everyone else is doing.
You can be the example of a jewish girl for your classmates and family.
The Rebbe also says that the main thing is to be a mentch. before you worry about anything else, your parents, your Jewish education, your sister...you are an example of a religious chassiddish girl, and the thing that influences people most is good midos.
be considerate, be polite...and most of all, be besimcha!!! be happy! that's what can influence!!!

also, you didn't do anything wrong to be put in this situation, Hashem put you here because Hashem has something that he wants you to do.
If it gets hard...turn to him! ask him for help! he loves you! and he only wants everything to be for your good!!!

good luck!!!!

p.s. don't worry if you don't end up changing school's yet. education doesn't end at high school. education is for your whole life...
one of the most amazing Chabad woman i know, grew up chaddish, but was in a modern-orthodox school untill 11th grade.
tiferet is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 12:17 PM   #4
Torah613
ChabadTalk.com Elder!
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 11,716
Try anything possible to leave the environment you are presently in.
Torah613 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 12:24 PM   #5
Majorthinker
Executive Diamond Member
 
Majorthinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,615
And if she can't? Then she needs a) a friend b) a mentor, c) etc....
__________________
!חסידים איין משפחה
One big happy family!

הוי כתלמידיו של אהרן הכהן!
Majorthinker is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 12:35 PM   #6
Torah613
ChabadTalk.com Elder!
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 11,716
True. But that is the best option.
Torah613 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 12:40 PM   #7
Majorthinker
Executive Diamond Member
 
Majorthinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,615
True. But not always is it feasible; therefore, more suggestions may be needed.
__________________
!חסידים איין משפחה
One big happy family!

הוי כתלמידיו של אהרן הכהן!
Majorthinker is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 12:46 PM   #8
Torah613
ChabadTalk.com Elder!
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 11,716
Perhaps. But that is the first place that tangible effert should be placed.
Torah613 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 12:50 PM   #9
Majorthinker
Executive Diamond Member
 
Majorthinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,615
Perhaps. But perhaps not. Maybe there is a way to improve things where she is now. More often than not, escape doesn't solve anything...
__________________
!חסידים איין משפחה
One big happy family!

הוי כתלמידיו של אהרן הכהן!
Majorthinker is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 12:54 PM   #10
Torah613
ChabadTalk.com Elder!
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 11,716
Escape for the sake of escape - true. Escaping a situation that can be damaging to ones basic frumkeit etc. is a correct course of action (where at all feasible).
Torah613 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 12:56 PM   #11
Majorthinker
Executive Diamond Member
 
Majorthinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,615
But one that should be avoided when another beneficial course of action can be found.
__________________
!חסידים איין משפחה
One big happy family!

הוי כתלמידיו של אהרן הכהן!
Majorthinker is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 01:11 PM   #12
Joey
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Torah613 View Post
Escape for the sake of escape - true. Escaping a situation that can be damaging to ones basic frumkeit etc. is a correct course of action (where at all feasible).
100%. Like the famous Ramba"m something about running and living in the woods alone if necessary...
Joey is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 03:42 PM   #13
Shmully
Super Moderator
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 138
If the Chabad rabbi cannot help, maybe a different rabbi or older person would be able to influence your father, to let you go and fulfill your heart's desire, without having to wait until you are older. (Do you have a specific place to go to, where you feel that you could grow properly?) The options open to a 13 year old may be limited, but you can certainly keep on trying. If it takes longer than hoped for, keep in mind the very important words of Tiferet, above. With perseverance and patience you will indeed succeed.
Shmully is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 03:48 PM   #14
Majorthinker
Executive Diamond Member
 
Majorthinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,615
Anything al cheshbon hasheini is not worth anything.
__________________
!חסידים איין משפחה
One big happy family!

הוי כתלמידיו של אהרן הכהן!
Majorthinker is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 04:39 PM   #15
Torah613
ChabadTalk.com Elder!
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 11,716
.....

Last edited by Torah613; 10-26-2008 at 04:43 PM. Reason: Not to get into another useless fruitless argument concerning sweeping statements that make little sense.
Torah613 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 05:26 PM   #16
memyselfandi
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 37
I know where I would go and I already have a place to stay there.
I just spent 15 minutes trying to think of an older person or a rabbi that could convince my parents and the only person that MIGHT have a chance is my zaide, who lives across the country. if i call him, how should i approach the matter?
memyselfandi is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2008, 09:24 PM   #17
Torah613
ChabadTalk.com Elder!
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 11,716
Is he a frum person? If yes, by telling him exactly what you told us (in more detail).
Torah613 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-27-2008, 04:41 AM   #18
Majorthinker
Executive Diamond Member
 
Majorthinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,615
Quote:
Originally Posted by Torah613 View Post
.....
Thank you.
__________________
!חסידים איין משפחה
One big happy family!

הוי כתלמידיו של אהרן הכהן!
Majorthinker is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-27-2008, 07:56 AM   #19
Torah613
ChabadTalk.com Elder!
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 11,716
Welcome, my pleasure.
Torah613 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-27-2008, 12:21 PM   #20
Majorthinker
Executive Diamond Member
 
Majorthinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,615
It's quite annoying; I would have preferred to know what you posted.
__________________
!חסידים איין משפחה
One big happy family!

הוי כתלמידיו של אהרן הכהן!
Majorthinker is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-27-2008, 04:43 PM   #21
Torah613
ChabadTalk.com Elder!
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 11,716
Nu nu, that's life.
Torah613 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-28-2008, 03:15 AM   #22
Majorthinker
Executive Diamond Member
 
Majorthinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,615
But it doesn't have to be that way...
__________________
!חסידים איין משפחה
One big happy family!

הוי כתלמידיו של אהרן הכהן!
Majorthinker is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 12-22-2009, 12:07 AM   #23
raf1988
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by memyselfandi View Post
Last year I started a thread about my situation at school: http://www.chabadtalk.com/forum/showthread.php3?t=9122.
I was supposed to go away this year for 8th grade, but at the last minute my mother decided she doesn't want me to go away. Now my parents say that they can't afford it. My school is much worse this year. the laws of shomer negiah have disappeared, my teacher allows and doesn't discourage foul language in her class, my limited amount of jewish education has lessened because now my class has 6th and 7th graders in it who are on a much lower level than us, my class is more disgusting than ever and i have to be surrounded by them all day. earlier in the year i almost gave up and i decided that i would talk to boys.
another addition to my current problems is that i can't stand my family anymore.my parents are divorced, my mom isn't frum, my dad is starting to be more on the modern orthodox side, my sister is in a foreign country in high school having the time of her life and getting a good jewish education, my little sister is starting to follow my mother's path, my family has serious problems with loshon hara, and i'm stuck in the middle of all this, a lubavitcher, trying to survive at a co-ed, modern orthodox school. i have no social life, no good jewish education, no good atmosphere where i can grow as a chosid, and that's all i want! i seriously cannot spend the rest of the year here.
i need advice. the chabad rabbi can't help because my father doesn't listen to anything he says. is there any way i can convince them?
thanks for your help.
As someone else said above on the thread. You have a very special opportunity to get strength from the hard situation you are in now! Some people will never get that kind of inner force revealed because simple didn't go through what you're going through. It was easier for them (although each one has his/her own tests in life--nobody is spared).
You need to keep strong and in a few years from now you'll thank H-shem He gave you the opportunity to overcome your difficult situation.

I would tell you that you should try to learn as much Chassidus as possible and that will give you energy and will be your source of power during all your life. Learn Tanya, Chitas. Get as many Loshon Koidesh skills as you can in the school you are now. If you don't do so, it will be harder when older. You're very young and you can absorb a great deal of Chumosh, Nach, etc.

It will come a time when people will look up to you! (Don't look for that but that will be sign you did the right thing).

Don't worry. You'll get out of this situation in a very natural way. Just give yourself time and concentrate on your learning the best you can. Thry to find one friend that shares the same values than you...
raf1988 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-25-2010, 01:23 AM   #24
Agent40
Member
 
Agent40's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by memyselfandi View Post
Last year I started a thread about my situation at school: http://www.chabadtalk.com/forum/showthread.php3?t=9122.
I was supposed to go away this year for 8th grade, but at the last minute my mother decided she doesn't want me to go away. Now my parents say that they can't afford it.
B'h
If it's not to late I would tell your parents that you need to get away even if it means they beg, borrow . Since for the sake of ones neshama (yours) we are sometimes called upon to make certain sacrifices, this is one of them.
__________________
Becareful 2day w/h what u say, since tomorrow it may haunt u, and give u away!
Agent40 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-25-2010, 01:20 PM   #25
Meshulam
Senior Diamond Member
 
Meshulam's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,427
Did you notice that the post you're quoting is 2 years old? Whatever the situation was 2 years ago... its probably different now.
Meshulam is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Win-Win Situation yehudi Jewish Websites 0 07-29-2008 03:07 AM
What to do now....a sticky situation. simonjandrews Noahide - Bnei Noach 1 04-08-2007 03:12 PM
Current situation happygolucky Eretz Yisrael - Israel 116 10-19-2006 09:13 AM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:34 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
2001 - 2016 ChabadTalk.com