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Unread 11-15-2009, 10:27 PM   #26
existwhere?
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Originally Posted by Torah613 View Post
Is one is not being paid - a tip does not do much...
I'm saying a 50 dollar tip. It may not do much, but it pays for groceries for the week.
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Unread 11-15-2009, 10:29 PM   #27
Torah613
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You obviously do not have a family yet.

And the more general point is - telling someone who is paying full tuition (that is often itself way above their means...) that "instead of complaining about those teachers that are not getting paid by those whose responsibility it is to pay them - give them (extra) money per week on your own" - is not helpful and does not solve the bigger problem at all.
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Unread 11-15-2009, 10:34 PM   #28
MahTovChelkeinu
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EW's suggestions works well for donations, but not always for tuition.

The school is a business, and while the shliach might not be doing the best job of managing the business, 50 baalei batim each insisting on their own money going a certain direction is going to be even worse. You have to pay in to the central pot so things like the electric bill get paid without a parent needing to be asked.

But I do think you should continue to pressure the shliach about creating a board. Nobody wants them, but if the board is putting up a large percentage of the funds, it can be a good thing.
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Unread 11-19-2009, 09:03 PM   #29
5770
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Unhappy

yeah I hear what everyone is saying. Thanks for the comments by the way.

so... i hate to ask, but apart from baltimore, are there any other suggestions for small/medium cities that have a nice Torah-based school suitable 1st grade and up?

HA does my question suggest a lack of emunah? Should I just try and stick it out even through my wife is so bitterly prejudiced?
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Unread 11-19-2009, 09:25 PM   #30
chossidnistar
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It could be a good idea, if you can get a mashpia and ask these questions

you know, there are not general answers
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Unread 11-19-2009, 09:57 PM   #31
MahTovChelkeinu
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Quote:
It could be a good idea, if you can get a mashpia and ask these questions

you know, there are not general answers
This is really true. And also, schools change from year to year depending on staff turnover and the group of students currently attending. Especially high school and up, the kids are really what determines the program a lot more than the city.
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Unread 01-03-2010, 07:43 PM   #32
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It could be a good idea, if you can get a mashpia and ask these questions

you know, there are not general answers
i have no one to go to. Our local Rabbi cannot be my first port of call.

thanks
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Unread 01-03-2010, 10:56 PM   #33
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so I will be it.
First.... which Chabad cities can you move to as per your parnasa or is it totally portable?

second, do you want it to be a multi-diverse Jewish place or is monolithic fine?

We of course want to make sure you can pay your bills; and what kind of growth do you want spiritually.. laterally or longitudnally?
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Unread 01-04-2010, 01:25 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by 5770 View Post
My wife is israeli secular, I am borderline BT.
There is always merit in moving, if and when it can ascertained that there is superior chinuch available, and/or a superior Jewish environment.

But if I read your situation correctly, this is not the problem. The problem is essentially your wife's.

Her problem is not with the education, per se, but with tangential aspects related to how the educational institute is financially administered. And to me it sounds as if she does not feel appreciated for the many hours she selflessly volunteers on behalf of the institute.

The first step is to arrange for a meeting with the Rabbi, and respectfully communicate your expectations. In fact, most relationship problems could be solved with respectful communication. But to have respectful dialogue, requires respect. Which means, recognizing that there is another perspective, another way of looking at an issue, other than the way that we are looking at it. And just maybe we can learn something from really listening to the other person.

In this case, I think there is a larger issue. If you and your wife were concerned about the actual quality of Jewish education that your child(ren) is receiving, and you have tried to remedy it to no avail, then perhaps it is time to look elsewhere. But from what I read, the quality of education is NOT the problem. Your wife is indignent over the fact that the teachers are not paid, etc.
Frankly, with all due respect to your wife--This is NOT her business. I repeat, the financial administration of the school is not the business of the parents. If the tuition is too high, then you can voice your concern about the expense to the school, and decide to pay or not to pay. To send your child or not.

Too many Jewish schools and charitable institutes suffer because of the (perhaps) well-intended interference of parents, and other "interested" parties--in the name of fairness, justice, and a host of other values. And the typical result is a fractured community where nothing good comes out of it.

For what it is worth, the Rebbe demanded of yeshiva students to stay in therir own lane, even when there were serious problems with the adminstration of the yeshiva. I think it is fair to say the same of parents. For everyone's sake--Stay in your own lane.

So while have a right and responsibility, as parents, to work with our schools for the improvement of the quality of education, how the school is run, is up to them. If the poor adminstration actually effects the schooling--for example, the teachers don't show up, because they haven't been paid--then it is time to express your alarm--"Where are the teachers???"

I hope things work out. From what I hear, no Jewish community is perfect, and there is generally no shortage of critics whereever you live.

Continue your good work there, and try to work and support the Rabbi there. He needs you help, and appreciates it--although he may not have adequately shown his gratitude.

Good luck.
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Unread 02-16-2010, 08:44 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by Gevurah View Post
so I will be it.
First.... which Chabad cities can you move to as per your parnasa or is it totally portable?

second, do you want it to be a multi-diverse Jewish place or is monolithic fine?

We of course want to make sure you can pay your bills; and what kind of growth do you want spiritually.. laterally or longitudnally?
Hey Gevurah, here are some ideas for starters. If the school collapses, I will move. Just don't know where....

What I want in the school:
  • kosher, torah-based
  • tznius dress code
  • boys wearing kippa, ideally tzitsit
  • small, safe environment for girls, v.limited influence of TV please
What my wife wants:
  • good academics
  • the "impression" of good managamenet
  • not too many crazy new BTs giving her advice
  • warm climate in the winter months in the USA!
Thanks.
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Unread 02-16-2010, 08:59 PM   #36
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What about New Haven?
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What fatality prompted him to marry?! - Solzhenitsyn
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Unread 02-16-2010, 09:38 PM   #37
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New Haven doesn't exactly have a warm climate in the winter, does it......
Other than that I have no idea though.
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Unread 02-16-2010, 10:01 PM   #38
MahTovChelkeinu
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Have you looked at the Hebrew Academy in Long Beach, CA?
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Unread 02-16-2010, 10:19 PM   #39
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"Limited influence of TV"?
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Unread 02-18-2010, 08:12 PM   #40
5770
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Originally Posted by Torah613 View Post
"Limited influence of TV"?
ha! well, our child currently watches no TV aside from perhaps uncle moishy, Malkali, and the occasional curious george ....

Ideally ZERO tv... but, you know.... I will take what I can get
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Unread 02-18-2010, 08:35 PM   #41
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My comment was actually a comment on MTC's post (#38), where he mentioned a specific school, hence my surprise.
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Unread 02-19-2010, 01:47 AM   #42
MahTovChelkeinu
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The school I mentioned is certainly not free of the influence of TV. But there are families there who do not have TV. And the school meets pretty much all of your other criteria.

Its also worth mentioning that California has a stigma attached to it by those who live out of the state. The stigma being that the schools are not up to snuff in terms of frumkeit. I know who girl who went to a Los Angeles Chabad high school and when she went to a national girls convention with her class another school had brought skirts just in case the LA girls didn't have (they did of course). If you move there, you will have to decide how true the stigma is, and also whether you mind having it attached to your kids' school.
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Unread 02-19-2010, 01:52 AM   #43
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The school I mentioned is certainly not free of the influence of TV. But there are families there who do not have TV. .
come on, smallest tv is 32 inches
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Unread 02-19-2010, 01:55 AM   #44
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Like I said... stigma.
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Unread 02-19-2010, 10:15 AM   #45
Torah613
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Its also worth mentioning that California has a stigma attached to it by those who live out of the state.
Also by many who live in state.
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Unread 02-21-2010, 08:33 PM   #46
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ha - recently left california - not in a rush to move back :-)

Although the Long Beach school did look very compelling, my only concern is that from my wife's viewpoint she would want the academics to come out and strike her in the face first... before the other stuff. But for me it looked great... but i have to be VERY careful about the jewish content and if it looks like it is smothering the academics... my wife will run a mile.

Any other suggestions?
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Unread 02-22-2010, 03:00 AM   #47
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Re-reading some of your older posts... if Long Beach's torah education looks to smother the academics too much, I think you will be hard pressed to find a Chabad school that fits your criteria. I also think you're sending somewhat mixed messages in your posts, probably because you and your wife are struggling with exactly what you want yourselves.

For example, you are borderline BT and your wife is secular Israeli, but you're looking for a school where most families don't have tv (read: right of center). I'm not criticizing you by saying that, I more just want to point out some of the problems you will have trying to have everything.

As has been said already, you really should talk to someone you trust who knows you and your wife well and figure out what you really need in a school. If you want warm weather, you're pretty much looking at... Florida, Texas, Southern California and maybe Atlanta or Denver (did I leave something out?). Just look at all of the schools in those cities and go from there.
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Unread 05-06-2010, 07:25 PM   #48
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Update

my wife pulled our kid from school this week.

we are now going to the local 'j' school.
  • no davening (kids do Shema twice weekly +have a good giggle)
  • no tznius dress (what they do on TV is more important)
  • birthday parties on shabbos (naturally - what else)
  • 70% families are mixed-married (2000 yrs of xtian oppression quickly forgotten)
  • kids don't give tzedakah (what's the point? Obama will keep the yidden safe!)
For those of you who's children are in a proper Jewish daycare (no matter how spartan) I implore you - KEEP THEM THERE. Work any problems out. Do not be weak (like me) and let a wife who threatens me with divorce steal Judaism from your child.
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Unread 05-06-2010, 08:22 PM   #49
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I know unfortunately several couples in your position. Divorce, by the way, does not solve the problem but make it worse. Whatever is keeping your kids in any kind of Torah environment would dissapear if the two of you split.

Please do not dispair and do not think this is over. Even if your kids spend their whole education career in the J, they can come out two ways: they can love whatever Torah they get, or they can associate it with negativity. You need to focus on strengthening your relationship with your wife so that she wants to find a good compromise. Let them be in the J, but get involved with a Chabad youth group (or any other nice frum group) that will daven regularly. You can daven regularly with them. Get your wife into a good relationship with a Rebbetzin she likes; if its not Chabad that is less important than having nothing at all.
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Unread 05-06-2010, 09:50 PM   #50
chossidnistar
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I agree with MTC

I would add, I think that you wife would love in the near future Judaism for your kids ( and maybe for her too)if she sees, that you are an incredible person (and miklal hen ata shoema lav)

Last edited by chossidnistar; 05-07-2010 at 09:34 AM.
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