Jewish Forum & Discussions - Chabad Talk  

Go Back   Jewish Forum & Discussions - Chabad Talk > Torah and Judaism > Teenagers

Reply
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Unread 04-22-2002, 04:05 PM   #1
ChachChach
Gold Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 962
heard once from rabbi m. freedman

the reason that teens have such emotional turmoil is bc they live in a world of their own. they arent children, but they arent adults-they are no longer content with just doing what ppl tell them to do, follow the rules, but they arent old enough and dont know enough to set off on their own...

so in conclusion: depends (of course, every teen will tell you they're an adult)
__________________
Siz doch altz hevel havalim-Ein od milvado!

Down with politics!
ChachChach is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-22-2002, 04:47 PM   #2
Jac
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 724
I once read in one of Rabbi A. Twerski's books that the reason for all the turmoil teens experience is that is a non-stage: not adult and not child.
He relates how he was once called to an emergency room to tend to a young man who was in a terrible state of agitation and who had to be restrained from hurting himself. Dr. Twerski asked him what was bothering him. He kept repeating: I am nobody. I am nobody. It was then that Dr. Twerski realized how correct this young man was...
He explains that we, as a society, have created this stage called "teenage years", and therefore have created this dilemma. In Judaism, there is none of this stage: when you turn 13 you become an adult. None of this confusion and none of these feelings of belonging nowhere result.

Hmm, I don't know that you're right, Chach, to say that every teen would call himself an adult. I think there are all too many adults who like calling themselves teenagers well into their twenties. The truth is that it depends --on whether it's a young teen (13-15) or mature teen (16-18), whether they are past the stage or are not, etc. When it comes to the internet, it would do well to treat teens as somewhere in between adults and children.
Jac is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-22-2002, 10:47 PM   #3
BLewbavitch
Silver Member
 
BLewbavitch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 725
BH

<<Hmm, I don't know that you're right, Chach, to say that every teen would call himself an adult. I think there are all too many adults who like calling themselves teenagers well into their twenties. The truth is that it depends --on whether it's a young teen (13-15) or mature teen (16-18), whether they are past the stage or are not, etc. When it comes to the internet, it would do well to treat teens as somewhere in between adults and children.>>

<<It was then that Dr. Twerski realized how correct this young man was...>>

Well, Dr. Twerski's theory is very nice, in the literal meaning, however, in all practicality; it's pretty much worthless. No offence to Twerski, but most teens would consider themselves adults. Make a poll if you want (I personally hate polls, but if this is what it takes...) most teens like to think of themselves as mature adults ready to tackle the world, all the good fantasies.

So, in theory, Twerski is right, but in all practicality, he isn't.
__________________
All the best,

BLewbavitch

:)"Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.":)
BLewbavitch is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-23-2002, 10:01 AM   #4
Bittul
Executive Diamond Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 3,336
In Halachah, both. They have full responsibility for their actions of Torah UMitzvos, but cannot conclude financial transactions with inherited property.
Bittul is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-23-2002, 10:21 AM   #5
rebayzl
Senior Diamond Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,354
Re: What are Teens?

Quote:
Originally posted by Jude
Are teens adults or children?
What are adults? Children playing house?
rebayzl is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-23-2002, 09:19 PM   #6
mendelp
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 603
>>What are adults? Children playing house?<<

sometimes<G>
mendelp is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-23-2002, 09:39 PM   #7
ChachChach
Gold Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 962
(side point: well...its interesting to note that according to the beis din shel ma'alah (in heaven), punishments arent meted out until someone reaches the age of 20 (see rashi bamidber, 16:27, on the idea that even the children of korach were punished to show the serverity of machlokes).

isnt that when the teen age years end? so maybe there is a concept in the torah of someone who has to do the mitzvos, but doesnt yet fully have the responsibilities of an adult....)
__________________
Siz doch altz hevel havalim-Ein od milvado!

Down with politics!
ChachChach is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-03-2003, 02:14 PM   #8
thumbskee
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 17
this is my opinion- it's a whole labeling game. children....teens... adults....
who cares. be true to yourself, don't lie about being something you are not... and get on with life.
for a person who doesn't think he fits in- i'm sorry. but neither does anyone else. children act like adults and adults act like children.

and the teen age- what is it? since it has this label- this is what (i think) it is. it's the stage in which a person differentiates the childish feelings/thoughts/mentality and moves on to the adulty mentality. but of course, what is an adult, and a chid for that matter? it's a vicious cycle.
good luck to all the cofused, cuz on this issue, i'm right there will all of you!
__________________
smile!
thumbskee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-03-2003, 07:20 PM   #9
CHdish
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 76
the teen years: imho, a STAGE in life which every person goes through (not neccecarly are you mature, after all some teens act like babies, on the other hand not always are teens kids , there are some that are more mature then some people in their 20's)

its the time when you realize that there realy is a big world out there and sooner or later your going to have to be realy responsible and care for yourself, now is the time when you start asking questions and want to hear the true answers! and this is the time when you shape out how you want to live the rest or your life!

obviously theres going to be emotional tormoil
(unless you learn torah and chasidus well, then you have all the answers right in front of you makes life alot easier
CHdish is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-04-2003, 01:51 AM   #10
hishtatchus
Senior Diamond Member
 
hishtatchus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,606
Even if you have Torah and Chassidus in front of you- the hard part is realizing that it APPLIES TO YOU and that the answers ARE there... even if they weren't in the last 3 Maamarim you learned!
hishtatchus is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-04-2003, 02:11 AM   #11
chassidus
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 732
Chassidus divides the stages of development/maturation into these age groups:

0-6: Develops motor skills and basic emotions. Develops by habit.
6-9: Develops intellect relating to emotions. Can understand reasons for right and wrong, but won't do things just because its right. But can appreciate how being good benefits him.
9-12/13: Develops intellect on its own, just to know the truth. Develops the ability to change his will based on intellect. At 12/13 can fully control self, based on what is right, just because it is right.
12/13-20: Develops emotions of desire/pleasure. This gives the ability to change what is enjoyed. Now can enjoy doing what's right, not just make oneself do it (which is only will power). This is when one starts to realize what one really wants.
20-70: Develops realization of self-image, which is the source of what one wants. These are a person’s true inner desires.
70-100: Develops realization of true inner self that the self-image was created to represent.

This is why teens are very idealistic and not satisfied with the status-quo. This is the inner searching of their soul. I heard the Rebbe said about teens: Either help them, or get out of their way.

This is also why a person is responsible from 12/13 in Human court, because we can only judge on action and by then a person can control his actions. In Heavenly Court, however, they don't judge a person until 20, because they judge on your feelings and desires, and a person isn't in control of these until 20. (Perhaps this is also why men are first trusted at 20 to go to war, where their passions will rage powerfully.)

Last edited by chassidus; 02-04-2003 at 08:54 PM.
chassidus is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-23-2003, 12:36 AM   #12
glad2bme
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 82
this is a very intresting thread...think of the question 'what are teens?'...i mean what is a human? but i like the chart that was just given its very true very true...
__________________
Smile its the curve that sets u straight=)
glad2bme is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-26-2003, 07:21 PM   #13
tan83
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 11
i would say that the teenage stage is when a person realizes that they don't have it all and arn't perfectly happy. It's when they start looking for the truth and meaning of life.
Some people never go through this stage, they are always satisfied. Some people go through this stage when they are children. And some older adults even go through it too.
The majority of people going through this is teens. Some teens may not even realize that they are looking. Sadly they may never find what they are looking for.
The ones that find what they are looking for and grasp it, have reached their adult stage.
__________________
Down here there are no answers,
Up there there are no questions.
tan83 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-26-2003, 07:52 PM   #14
Jude
Executive Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 8,345
then what's a mid-life crisis?
Jude is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-04-2003, 12:49 AM   #15
lambda
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 1,284
Quote:
Originally posted by Jude
then what's a mid-life crisis?
For me? Last week.
lambda is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-04-2003, 12:32 PM   #16
Jude
Executive Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 8,345
sure hope last week did not mark the midpoint in your (thus far short) life.
Jude is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-04-2003, 01:39 PM   #17
noahidelaws
Executive Platinum Member
 
noahidelaws's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 7,479
Quote:
Originally posted by Jude
then what's a mid-life crisis?
BS"D Never had one, and I sure hope I won't, but perhaps it's when, after years of immersion in "making a living," people realise for the second time that there must be more to life, and go through a process of re-assessing their values, much as they did in their teens.

So a frum Jew, who constantly imbues his life with meaning by learning Torah and keeping Mitzvos, shouldn’t have this problem.
noahidelaws is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-30-2003, 07:01 PM   #18
iamachassid
Diamond Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 1,395
Or not as much because although torah and mitzvos should permeate life there are other things going on?
Also, in the frum world it's probably the time when people are feelling and looking older and the kids are getting married and the home and the schedule is emptying out a bit.
__________________
Before you go to bed give your troubles to G-d, He will be up all night anyway.
iamachassid is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-02-2003, 11:30 PM   #19
chassidus
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 732
A person should go through a sort of mini crisis like this all the time, especially Tishrei time. The whole point of a teen's crisis or a mid-life crisis is a challenge of one's self-image and paradigms. This is a search for what is one's true self and what is truly important. We should constantly search for this inner truth.

This is the whole point of Teshuvah, to reconnect our deeds to the inner intent of connecting to G-d. This applies even to one that is observant. The observance should not be one of wrote, but one of an inner love and devotion to G-d. People get caught up in being "frum" of "chassidish" but these are false gods. If a Prophet told someone to transgress everything in the Torah except for idol worship, he should do it with zeal and without hesitation. Any hesitation means that he needs to do Teshuvah, to reconnect his desire to doing what G-d wants and not to the image of "frum."
__________________
"The Baal Shem Tov revealed a new dimension of Torah based on Ahavas Yisrael."
chassidus is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-16-2003, 10:40 PM   #20
buildabridge
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 22
what? i dont think a person SHOULD go through, thats a bit to harsh. during tishrei, a person should look into themselves and see what they can do,, but you dont always need a crisis.
__________________
build a bridge- and get over it!
buildabridge is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-05-2003, 10:00 PM   #21
chassidus
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 732
I only meant that one should never loose the urgent sence of a need to find a greater truth and break out of their falsely impossed limitations. This is the idea of the Exodus from Egypt, which we must recount and RELIVE everyday, as the Alter Rebbe stresses in Tanya chapter 47.
__________________
"The Baal Shem Tov revealed a new dimension of Torah based on Ahavas Yisrael."
chassidus is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-02-2004, 07:26 PM   #22
iamachassid
Diamond Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 1,395
I think I realized that within the stage of teen-hood there are many stages. They're too fuzzy to list them all but it's different phases of figuring out who you are, where you fit into the world, into social groups, who your support team is, what your values are, how real Torah and mitzvos are, in general lots of turmoil. Each of these things individually can take up many months or years, keep coming up and cause lots of emotional anguish. Eventually there is also the stage where the teen years end. They don't just end but that too is a process, where everything you struggled over and learned for the past few years come together.
__________________
Before you go to bed give your troubles to G-d, He will be up all night anyway.
iamachassid is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-02-2004, 07:48 PM   #23
Chassidic1
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 239
B"H
10, Adar, 5764

To Chassidus: EXACTLY
<[:-)
Chassidic1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-08-2004, 10:35 PM   #24
ChabaLubavit
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 74
ONE THING THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY ABOUT THIS LABEL OF A "TEEN"- it gives people an idea that you are going to be searching, having fits, going through stages, and you are rarely taken seriously because they take one look at you and say "oh, it's a teenage thing, he/she'll get over it". Some people really have issues- even adults have issues. Is every issue an adolescent has one resulting from the "difficult teenage years" or could it be that they are really having a bad day the same way an adult or a child can have a bad day? Or they have a question or something that needs to be figured out in the same way that an adult or kid might have? What do you guys think?
ChabaLubavit is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-08-2004, 10:41 PM   #25
iamachassid
Diamond Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 1,395
Exactly. There are people that take one look and automatically write you off as a teenager, a confused, misbehaving, immature teen.
__________________
Before you go to bed give your troubles to G-d, He will be up all night anyway.
iamachassid is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Schools for BT Teens Jude Shlichus 17 11-15-2008 07:34 PM
Teens Section hunlly Comments and Feedback 36 11-05-2003 06:11 PM
How do YOU think the teens section could be made more appealing to teens? noahidelaws Comments and Feedback 39 10-21-2003 09:01 PM
Inspiring Teens Niggunim Teenagers 9 10-10-2003 11:28 AM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:39 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
2001 - 2016 ChabadTalk.com