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Unread 12-30-2005, 12:47 AM   #1
shimond
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Talking about girls

Is there an issur of talking about girls, cuz i got into an argument with a friend over this and he says there isnt an issur?
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Unread 12-30-2005, 01:40 AM   #2
Hiskashrus
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i am not boki in these halochos, but i think common sense would dictate that it depends on the conversation
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Unread 12-30-2005, 01:40 AM   #3
n'eNow770
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Bittul Torah.
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Unread 12-30-2005, 02:05 AM   #4
noahidelaws
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Quote:
talking about girls
You mean, learning Gemoro Kesubos?
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Unread 01-01-2006, 10:17 AM   #5
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Ofcourse it matters as to how much your discussing it.As you may know-when you talk about s/t, or think about s/t, that is where you actually are at the time- as the A.rebbe explains in Tanya. Discussing it--- with zest, is well, probably not in your best interest. Your mind will try to reinact these thoughts and you will be unwillingly drenched in this topic.
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Unread 01-01-2006, 06:47 PM   #6
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Machshava leads to dibbur, leads to maaseh... when you think about something a lot and you talk about something a lot, it leads you to wanting it and being desensitized.
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Unread 01-04-2006, 10:41 PM   #7
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I dont think there is an actual isur. The main isur when it comes to girls is touching b'derech chiva, which the rambam says is an isur korais. i dont think talking about them constitutes touching. shimond i think ur friend is right.
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Unread 01-04-2006, 10:55 PM   #8
Hiskashrus
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shimon, it seems that you take a radical approach to things in which you don't understand. maybe listen to your friend more often
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Unread 01-05-2006, 01:27 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiskashrus
shimon, it seems that you take a radical approach to things in which you don't understand. maybe listen to your friend more often
You make no sense. He didn't specify the nature of the talking and in what contex the talking about the girls is and you already label him radical. Maybe first try to understand what he means.
USHER, there actualy might be an issur under certain circumstances (Shelo Yeharher bayom..).
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Unread 01-05-2006, 10:14 PM   #10
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Usher, the fact that there is an issur touching, doesn't have any shaichus to whether there might be an issur speaking about.
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Unread 01-06-2006, 12:19 AM   #11
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It depends on what exactly you're saying... If you're saying "oh girls talk a lot" and stupid things like that, i don't think it's such an issue. If you're talking about untznius'dik things then obviously it's wrong. If you're talking about a specific girl-and not for Shidduch information, i would think it's also not the right thing to do.
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Unread 01-06-2006, 01:25 PM   #12
Usher
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Since my last post, I relized that i was wrong. Im not sure where this is from(Ill look it up YMH). Basiaclly "it" says that talking about girls will lead to Zera Levatala, which will lead to worse and worse things (Aveira Gorereses Aveira). Also maybe talking about girls goes agaisnt the posuk of 'Lo Sahasuru Acharay Levavchem Veacharay Aynaichem'?
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Unread 01-06-2006, 01:37 PM   #13
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Its a good thing that, b'h you realized that you were wrong.
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Unread 01-07-2006, 08:44 AM   #14
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Quote:
when you talk about s/t, or think about s/t, that is where you actually are at the time- as the A.rebbe explains in Tanya
I thought that it was a pisgom of the Baal Shem Tov. I didn't know that it's referred to in Tanya. Where? I missed it there.
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Unread 01-09-2006, 12:05 AM   #15
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Touching is forbidden even not derech chibah. The Rambam holds that it's even biblically forbidden. Lo sikarvu legalos ervah.

The gemoroh says "if a man turns his mind to think about women - he will eventually come to sin.
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Unread 01-15-2006, 08:00 PM   #16
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If you're sitting at the shabbat table with another family and you two are the onlt ones you're age there is no reason why the two of you can't ahve a conversation, i think thats a very appropriate way for interaction between guys and girls come tot hink of it, its in front of parents and it IS the shabbat table. of course you shouldnt have a conversation of only you two the whole time. i guess it also depends on the families.
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Unread 01-15-2006, 09:38 PM   #17
Chabadnika
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Or halacha.
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Unread 01-17-2006, 03:14 PM   #18
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Is something I said against halachah????
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Unread 01-17-2006, 04:52 PM   #19
Chabadnika
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Intergender conversation is not such a simple matter in halacha.
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Unread 01-17-2006, 07:56 PM   #20
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Thsi is my cue not to bother getting involved in this conversation
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Unread 01-17-2006, 08:11 PM   #21
n'eNow770
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Absolut, I can see where you're coming from, but really it DOES depend on the families, the conversation, and about a hundred other factors BUT Halacha comes first.
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Unread 01-17-2006, 08:16 PM   #22
Chabadnika
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Right, the families don't determine the halacha.
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Unread 01-17-2006, 09:56 PM   #23
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I wasn't agrreing I've just had my share of fun arguing with people today. And you know what? I admit it. I talk to girls. Deal with it. It's better than looking at innappropriate pictures and at least I can greet a girl Shabbat Shalom on the street without giggling or looking away.

Not to mention the Rebbe spoke to girls/women when it was needed or called for. Even when he was very young, in his teens. And he even told her to have a good day!!!!!
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Unread 01-17-2006, 10:12 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Absolut Jew
Not to mention the Rebbe spoke to girls/women when it was needed or called for. Even when he was very young, in his teens. And he even told her to have a good day!!!!!
And are we at all even close to the level that the Rebbe was on?? There is a big difference between a Rav, whose job it is to guide people, and one of us. I doubt that when the Rebbe was giving advice to a woman, or even just uplifting their spirits with a smile and a hello, he had any of the same thoughts that we might have when we do the same. Even when the Rebbe was a young boy, we know from stories about his selflesness and level of immersion in Torah, that he was on a much different level then most young children his age. I am not adequatly familiar with the halachos of mixed gender conversation, but what I do know is that hardly any of us are close to the level that the Rebeb was on, and should not try to think of ourselves as equals to him when it comes ot halacha.
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Unread 01-17-2006, 10:16 PM   #25
n'eNow770
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Absolut Jew
Not to mention the Rebbe spoke to girls/women when it was needed or called for. Even when he was very young, in his teens. And he even told her to have a good day!!!!!
ARE YOU JUSTIFYING YOUR TALKING TO GIRLS BECAUSE OF THE REBBE?!?
There is a BIG differance!
As a Rebbe you speak to your Chassidim, just as a father speaks to his daughters, just as a Principal to his talmidos. Do not justify your Averos with what the Rebbe did.

There is a huge diffrance between conversing with the opposite gender and when asking a question like "Is your father home? I need to return a Sefer" (which the Rebbe did...) and then ending off with "have a good day".

Don't kid yourself. Be honest with who you are. If you talk to girls fine that's your business, but don't justify it. You're a Yeshiva bochur who's doing something wrong, acknowledge it.
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