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Unread 02-13-2003, 11:02 AM   #1
Jude
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Our Girls

in another thread someone wrote the following:

Quote:
But the truth is, BR really does an amazing job. the girls all come out w/ TONZ of Chayus and lebedikeit that you dont find in other places
now since the topic was camp, perhaps this is why the poster emphasized qualities that are assets in camp, but the comment left me wondering whether this (chayus and lebedikeit) is the #1 maaleh that is emphasized in Lubavitch girls' schools, particularly Beis Rivka.

I tried putting the comment in perspective by thinking about what other schools might consider the greatest compliment for their girls (Beis Yaakov, Bnos Tzion of Bobov, Beis Yaakov of Ger, Y.O.B. etc.) and concluded that "chayus and lebedikeit" would not be top of their list.

What would top their list? I think frumkeit=adherence to halacha, middos tovos, tznius, good hashkafos ...

Ditto for a shidduch - if you were looking for a shidduch for your son/brother - would chayus and lebedikeit top your list?
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Unread 02-13-2003, 01:47 PM   #2
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Re: Our Girls

Quote:
Originally posted by Jude
Ditto for a shidduch - if you were looking for a shidduch for your son/brother - would chayus and lebedikeit top your list?
May we be zoche to see BrookAve post in this thread.
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Unread 02-13-2003, 03:07 PM   #3
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I agree that BR -- and really all schools -- need to periodically pause and review what inyanim are being emphasized by the school and its curriculum.

Here are some thoughts that lead to shidduchim and our girls:

“In a shidduch there are two traits to investigate concerning a girl. By investigating them one will easily know the qualities of the girl, as they reveal everything. Firstly, is she a tznua? Secondly, is she respectful and helpful to her parents? If she has these two traits she certainly also has all other good midos, and she is a worthy girl.” (sefer Ana Avdah, Harav Eliezer Turk recounts in the name of Harav Tzvi Kubalski that he heard the following from the Chazon Ish zt’l)

Chazal say, “A person is given the partner he deserves and requires” (Sotah 2a). Rashi explains “a modest woman for a tzaddik and an immodest woman for a rasha.”
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Unread 02-13-2003, 03:18 PM   #4
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Not to put down modesty and silence, but outside of the Lubavitch world, a quiet girl is automatically assumed to be more Aidel. In Chabad, the most Chassidish girls are often the "machers", the louder ones who get things done.

Would Chayus top the Shidduchim list? Maybe not. But I think for some it's up there with Yiras Shomayim and Hiskashrus.
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Unread 02-13-2003, 07:45 PM   #5
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BS"D I understood that by "Chayus and lebedikeit" the poster meant "enthusiastic and inspired about Yiddishkeit," not just gregariousness. Are those not worthy ma'alos to look for, Jude?
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Unread 02-13-2003, 07:51 PM   #6
Jude
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the girls know precisely what I meant
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Unread 02-13-2003, 08:30 PM   #7
RebYid
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I received this comment from a non Lub re his impressions about Lub:

"The ikor is to be a bulldozer not an erliche yid !"
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Unread 02-13-2003, 09:18 PM   #8
Jude
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why is a non-Lubavitcher's ayin ra relevant to this thread?
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Unread 02-13-2003, 09:36 PM   #9
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Kabel es ho'emas....
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Unread 02-13-2003, 09:41 PM   #10
Jude
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that would be a useful reminder if I knew the source of information and could rely on his say-so as emes, yet as helpful as it might be I still don't see the relevance to this particular thread
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Unread 02-13-2003, 09:56 PM   #11
noahidelaws
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BS"D Thanks so much for your enlightening comment, RebYid, I'm sure all the teenagers reading this will be so inspired with the warm and fuzzies
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Unread 02-13-2003, 10:53 PM   #12
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Knowing how to cook should certainly be another trait that can be looked at favorably during a shidduch investigation. No microwaves in my house. My girls know how to roll out dough at 6 years old...and I dont mean playdough!
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Unread 02-14-2003, 09:29 AM   #13
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What Reb Yid heard is not so much a matter of emes as it is a matter I have heard many Lubavitchers go on and on about. Namely, the inyan of "Kiddush Lubavitch".

I have heard worse a decade ago, though I will not post it because I feel it would be in bad taste. But sufice it to say that the topic that led Jude to create this thread is not only serious, it is noticed, u'byeser s'eis, by those on the "outside".
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Unread 02-14-2003, 09:33 AM   #14
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BrookAve, no microwave in the house?!

A brocho af ayere kep. Beautiful, simply beautiful.
Ashrei mi sheh'ein bo microwave b'veiso.

For a man, it's fine, if he needs something quick to eat, but women shouldn't be let anywhere NEAR those machines!

L'Chaim!
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Unread 02-15-2003, 11:26 PM   #15
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Chabad Friend: A groisen dank und brochas tovas by dir eichet. If I need a snack, I just say to whatever female is in the house and say, for instance: Rivky, a tea. Chani a soup, Bracha a fish. It is so easy. They run bzrizus to give kovod.
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Unread 02-15-2003, 11:42 PM   #16
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Such nachas, such nachas. poo poo poo.

Surely you can tell the married one to ask her husband to call you "shver" or "ta" or "pa"!

L'chaim!
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Unread 02-16-2003, 12:12 AM   #17
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I'll look forward to zaidy first, IY"H.
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Unread 02-16-2003, 12:16 AM   #18
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Sonny called me Tatty by the chasana. It was the only time he said it. There is no kesher yet, but I am hopeing. Perhaps there never will be. He is a bit odd, but so am I. Connecting with someone as gruesome as a father in law can be scary. I am a giving careing parent, maybe too giveing. He didnt come from that type of family. Oy vey, B"H I have others.
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Unread 02-16-2003, 10:08 AM   #19
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BrookAve, I find it hard to understand why you are sharing such personal (and maybe private) stuff about your life with everyone?

What if someone knows who you are? Do you think its fair to your family that you talk about them in this manner, especially in a public forum?
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Unread 02-16-2003, 06:25 PM   #20
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There are no secrets with my family. I am very open with my feelings. If someone has an aitza tova, then I will apreciate it. Dont sweat it PeaceInIsrael. Everything will be alright.
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Unread 02-16-2003, 07:49 PM   #21
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whatever, back to the topic at hand- you say that chayus is not the top thing on your shidduch list? please allow me to say something... with chayus, a lot follows..let me give you a little frinstance: a while ago, a good friend of mine developed this awesome chayus for chasidishkeit...she started doing everything in torah, mitzvos and yiddishkeit with such enthusiasm! and now, ka''h, a lot of other wonderful midos appeared... i really think that chayus adds a lot! ok, maybe it isn't everything, but it sure is a great contributing factor... and about knowing how to cook... most of us already know how to, and when the time comes we'll learn! ok, i know not everyone agrees with me, but chayus, i guess, is a top on some peoples lists!

Last edited by Sky'sTheLimit; 02-16-2003 at 08:00 PM.
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Unread 02-18-2003, 06:13 AM   #22
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i agree w/ Sky's the limit- by "chayus and lebedikeit" (which i wrote in another post) i definitly DID mean in a chassidishe way. that's one of the key factors of a chossid. a chossid isnt just s/o who does the things he has to do like a beis yakov girl. no intention to knock them, but once it was brought up, i'll use them. a chossid is s/o who's ALIVE. who has life and enthusiasm for being a chossid, for going on shlichus- not s/o who just does things, on automatic. and it's usually these girls who are able to affect and influence younger girls to chassidishkeit. when you see how s/o's HAPPY w/ what they're doing and how theyre living, then that's what you want. this definitly doesnt mean that u dont have to be aidel. u have to be tznius and aidel, but it doensnt mean u dont have any enthusiasm for who you are and what you're doing. i, personally, very much respect older girls/ppl who are 'full of it'- alive...
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Unread 02-18-2003, 09:21 AM   #23
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I suspect some are confusing "chayos" with loudness/noisy etc.
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Unread 02-18-2003, 01:05 PM   #24
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with empty loudness and noisiness
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Unread 03-16-2003, 03:49 PM   #25
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i just want u to all know that i have never heard such disgusting chauvinists in my life! you people should be imbarresed by the way you talk about women! you call to any femaile in your house for something to eat, or you wont let the women in your families near a microwave bc from the age of six they must know how to use a rolling pin!! if this is how frum lubavitch men act i have just been completely turned off!! basic midos would be apropriate!! but what are u trying to sell here? your grobkeid? if you are trying to be funny let me tell u straight you are talking like pigs!! i am completely shocked and disgusted from reading this!! a women is as great and is equal to amn and if a women should learn to cook so should a man!! in todays day and age if men have not been influenced in the lubavitch world about womens rights then i think it is a severe disgusting matter that needs to be dealt with urgently
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