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Unread 06-08-2011, 06:46 AM   #1
jamesch230
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do two people who know each other get married even though they dont formally date

I have always been amazed how in Judaism with the gender segregation two people can meet a couple of times and through a recommendation they can have such a successful marriage my question is as follows and in 2 parts

1, do 2 people ever get married as they know each other and get on through regularly seeing each other but not in a dating context, for example a boy regularly visits a friend’s house to see friends, he gets talking to one of the girls in the house having general conversation get on as good friends and have similar interests. When the time is appropriate the boy asks if he can speak to that person for a date and if they are both agreeable they marry, rather than having a meeting arranged through a 3rd party and both parties telling the match maker what they are looking for and then having a meeting arranged and they hardly know each other and only have a couple of short meeting to size each other up

2, in Judaism is marriage viewed differently than the way other people treat marriage by this I mean marriage is about fulfilling obligations and as much as love is part of it it is more important that they get on there is chemistry rather than simply marrying for love.
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Unread 10-03-2011, 01:18 PM   #2
Zvi
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A strong friendship should be at the core of a marriage.

BUT, marriage requires you to know each other on another level, beyond what you can know by being friends with someone. One important example is living habits, will you be able to live together ? Another example is in managing a home.

If your friend has a certain habit you dislike, its easy enough to ignore it, but when you live together it becomes part of your life also. Marriage is far more personal than the closest friendship (and that leaves aside the whole subject of sexual compatibility)
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Unread 10-05-2011, 03:09 AM   #3
Chana Ruth
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A Jew marries to create a Jewish home and raise Jewish children. I have never heard any other group make such a statement. In my American culture, getting married is supposed to be some sort of culmination of romantic love. I think there are rare people who do find a kind of soul mate. But the overwhelming majority of us do not.
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Unread 10-05-2011, 09:31 AM   #4
Zvi
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With nothing but respect I just want to say that it sounds as if you are only thinking about the finding of someone to marry, not sustaining a marriage that already exists.

No one wants to come home every day to a wife who makes his life unhappy, or a husband who makes her life unhappy.

But much more importantly life brings difficult things your way, and you have to handle these issues together. If you do not have a strong emotional bond to each other your marriage can't last.

Thinking that one is immune from divorce because one is an observant Jew, or actually for any reason, is a very dangerous path. Its dangerous because you can take the other person for granted, assuming they will always be there, especially as many years pass, and this is a slippery slope into oblivion.

I'm sorry but absolutely no one is immune from divorce, not Chabadniks either. A relationship takes work, and having common tasks to be performed together is not enough to hold it together. Attend a "Divorce Support Group" meeting sometime and you will see proof, there are religious Jews there as well.
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