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Unread 10-03-2010, 10:03 AM   #1
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When to stop asking questions?

Is there a limit to the types of questions one can ask their mashpia? I'm talking about a girl to a girl mashpia. I mean...not everyone is perfect, and therefore, don't always have the most "aidel" problems...
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Unread 10-03-2010, 10:59 AM   #2
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It depends on who the "mashpia" is.
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Unread 10-03-2010, 01:30 PM   #3
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and depends on the kind of questions and the receipient
your questions can play against you in the future
mashpiim are not perfect either
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Unread 10-03-2010, 02:36 PM   #4
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WWM, it is essential (and highly useful) to choose as your Mashpia someone whom you respect: for their behavior, their knowledge and their experience. Such a person would also be aware that most people also have weaknesses and non - "aidel" tendencies, and would therefore be non-judgmental. It is equally important that the one you choose as Mashpia is a person whom you can trust to respect confidentiality 100%.
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Unread 10-03-2010, 05:12 PM   #5
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I can think of three situations where it may be proper to stop asking questions:

1) When the person asking the questions really needs to talk to someone else. This could be for halachic questions (where the questions should go to a Rav); for questions related to health problems (where the person needs to see a doctor or therapist); or for other dangerous situations (where the person needs to call the police or speak to a teacher or person of authority).

2) When the mashpiah is not able to be objective. For example if the one asking has a personal issue with the mashpiah's daughter.

3) When the questions cross whatever boundaries you set together with your mashpiah. That might mean that you're not respecting the mashpiah's time (calling at all hours of the night), or are not respecting the privacy of the mashpiah (asking personal questions about marriage, etc.) or possibly crossing into one of the areas I mentioned above.

A good mashpiah will not think any less of you if you need to ask questions about less than aidel topics. We are (almost) all regular people with a yetzer harah that puts foolish thoughts into our heads. Unfortunately, we sometimes listen to the yetzer harah. It is not appropriate to do so, but it is part of growing into a better person.

I recommend having a conversation with your mashpiah about your concerns and the two of you can reach an understanding together. If the mashpiah tells you to talk to someone else, then obviously you need to talk to someone else.
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Unread 10-04-2010, 09:11 AM   #6
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With regard to neglecting to seek counsel for difficulties in more basic areas, see the Rebbe's sicha on the topic, translated here.
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