Jewish Forum & Discussions - Chabad Talk  

Go Back   Jewish Forum & Discussions - Chabad Talk > Torah and Judaism > General

Reply
Thread Tools Rating: Thread Rating: 22 votes, 5.00 average. Display Modes
Unread 05-23-2004, 01:14 PM   #76
Lubamessimaniac
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 505
This is when those old lyrics run in my head:

My Shaitel made me laugh, my shaitel made me cry, my shaitel beats a tichel any night... (from Rechnitzer Rejects)

(Tune of: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands)



If you're your Jewish and you know it

Burn your wig

You love G-d and want to show it

Burn your wig

Unless your instincts were prophetic

And your shaitel is synthetic

Go ahead, you won't regret it

Burn your wig

Semi - custom, fall, or box

Burn your wig

Avodah Zarah's in those locks

Burn your wig

Be it a Freeda, Ralph, or Claire

Might as well be Mother Mary

So be very, very wary

Burn your wig

If it's blond or black or brown

Burn your wig

Don't be the Apikorus in town

Burn your wig

Take it off and don't go near it

Wear a snood - you'll have to bear it

Drive a Chevy, but don't wear it

Burn your wig

Do what's right, don't be heretical

Burn your wig

Just stay calm, don't get hysterical

Burn your wig

Your whole life is still ahead

Go put butter on your bread

But no Buddha on your head

Burn your wig
__________________
Is "Expire" the opposite of "Inspire"? Does that mean that if you're not inspired, you're dead?
Lubamessimaniac is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 05-23-2004, 01:51 PM   #77
iamachassid
Diamond Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 1,395
this was posted, I think in another thread
__________________
Before you go to bed give your troubles to G-d, He will be up all night anyway.
iamachassid is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 05-23-2004, 02:27 PM   #78
daas
Executive Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 394
Quote:
Originally posted by iamachassid
this was posted, I think in another thread
See the Shaitel from Indian Hair thread.
daas is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 05-29-2004, 11:21 PM   #79
iamachassid
Diamond Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 1,395
Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Who was bigger?
The baby, because he's a Little Bigger!
__________________
Before you go to bed give your troubles to G-d, He will be up all night anyway.
iamachassid is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-04-2004, 08:57 AM   #80
amgel49
Executive Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 340
__________________
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ..
amgel49 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-04-2004, 09:00 AM   #81
amgel49
Executive Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 340
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	moshe.jpg
Views:	569
Size:	51.1 KB
ID:	417  
__________________
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ..
amgel49 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-04-2004, 09:06 AM   #82
amgel49
Executive Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 340
Leah phones her husband at work, "Issy, do you have time for a chat?"
"Sorry, darling, this is not a good time Im about to go into a board meeting."
"But this wont take long," Leah says, "I just want to tell you some good news and some bad news."
"I really havent the time," says Issy, "so just quickly tell me the good news."
"Oh all right then. The air bag on your new Mercedes works very well."


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

David:How do you prevent your bagels being stolen?

Yankel:Well...I don't know about you but,I put lox on mine.
__________________
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ..

Last edited by amgel49; 07-04-2004 at 09:12 AM.
amgel49 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-04-2004, 10:46 PM   #83
farshtuptemench
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 118
amgel the cartoon is sooo cute. it took me a minute to get it but its adorable.
__________________
A wise man speaks because he has something to say; a fool because he has to say something.
farshtuptemench is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-04-2004, 11:32 PM   #84
jewgal84
Executive Member
 
jewgal84's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 358
Love the cartoon!!
__________________
Life is like Modern Art, you just don't understand it.
jewgal84 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-21-2004, 04:06 PM   #85
zaque36
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 767
(hope this aint a repeat...)
An American astronaut has an emergency during his re-entry into earth's atmosphere and his space craft crash-lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere. After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is bandaged from head to foot. He sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse approaching him as he
lay in his cot. "Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear. "No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You came here yesterday."
__________________
Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.
zaque36 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-21-2004, 04:23 PM   #86
zaque36
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 767
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local Motor Vehicle Bureau was packed.

The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."

The clerk looked at his picture closely, and reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
__________________
Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.
zaque36 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-31-2004, 10:53 PM   #87
amgel49
Executive Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 340
Women Drivers...

Driving to the office this morning on the freeway , I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 160km per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!!
It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the sandwich out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs,
splashed and burned me, ruined the phone and
DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!

STUPID WOMEN DRIVERS!
__________________
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ..
amgel49 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-01-2004, 04:14 PM   #88
n'eNow770
Diamond Member
 
n'eNow770's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,288
Amgel49, this one is soooo true...FANTASTIC!
__________________
We want n'eNow we don't want to wait...
n'eNow770 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-01-2004, 04:59 PM   #89
mordechai7215
Diamond Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,136
Why is it that women can make fun of men, but men can't make fun of women?
mordechai7215 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-01-2004, 05:52 PM   #90
n'eNow770
Diamond Member
 
n'eNow770's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,288
Quote:
Originally posted by mordechai7215
Why is it that women can make fun of men, but men can't make fun of women?
What?! Sooo not true... they make jokes on women all the time... Like mother-in-law jokes, and wife jokes...
__________________
We want n'eNow we don't want to wait...
n'eNow770 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-02-2004, 06:57 AM   #91
amgel49
Executive Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 340
Finally at least one person agrees to that!(so far)lol!
Thanks n'eNow770
__________________
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ..

Last edited by amgel49; 08-05-2004 at 12:36 AM.
amgel49 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-03-2004, 02:45 AM   #92
amgel49
Executive Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 340
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdeanig




THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID





Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.





Amzanig !




-- qieut ture, atcrually!
__________________
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ..
amgel49 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-03-2004, 03:35 PM   #93
jewgal84
Executive Member
 
jewgal84's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 358
Wwo aeglm49, taht was petrty aemwose!
__________________
Life is like Modern Art, you just don't understand it.
jewgal84 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-04-2004, 01:54 PM   #94
Gevurah
Executive Diamond Member
 
Gevurah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,052
amoslt as aewsmoe as the nbumer of web sties taht qotue it via ggoloe !

Interesting if this is really documented as the implications to Chassidus are interesting in terms of their relative galus as discussed by the Ramak and explored by a mamar of the Fr. Rebbe somewhere in the 5700's.
Gevurah is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-04-2004, 02:38 PM   #95
Yankel Nosson
Senior Platinum Member
 
Yankel Nosson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,259
Quote:
Originally posted by Gevurah
Interesting if this is really documented as the implications to Chassidus are interesting in terms of their relative galus as discussed by the Ramak and explored by a mamar of the Fr. Rebbe somewhere in the 5700's.
Nu, start a thread.
Yankel Nosson is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-04-2004, 08:19 PM   #96
n'eNow770
Diamond Member
 
n'eNow770's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,288
Quote:
Originally posted by amgel49
Finally at least one male agrees to that!lol!
Thanks n'eNow770
Yw, doesnt it feel good to have sumone on ur side?
__________________
We want n'eNow we don't want to wait...

Last edited by n'eNow770; 08-05-2004 at 02:55 AM.
n'eNow770 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-05-2004, 12:46 AM   #97
roza
Silver Member
 
roza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 639
"The woman came out of a mans rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."
__________________
: .
. .
roza is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-05-2004, 12:55 AM   #98
amgel49
Executive Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 340
n'eNow770-ani mizta'eret,I changed it for you..
Here's one I dedicate to you...

*~Life lessons from Noach's Ark~*

- Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

- Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.

- Don't listen to critics -- do what has to be done.

- Build on high ground.

- For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

- Two heads are better than one.

- Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were the snails.

- If you can't fight or flee -- float!

- Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.

- Remember that the ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.

- Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.

- Don't miss the boat.

- No matter how bleak it looks, if Hashem is with you, there's always a rainbow on the other side...
__________________
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ..
amgel49 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-05-2004, 02:56 AM   #99
n'eNow770
Diamond Member
 
n'eNow770's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,288
Aww how sweet i had a post dedicated to me!
Very cute... reminds me of another one i have to dig up, about modern day Noach...
__________________
We want n'eNow we don't want to wait...
n'eNow770 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-05-2004, 08:10 PM   #100
amgel49
Executive Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 340
Alphabet for the aged


A arthritis
B bad back
C chest pains; cardiac
D dental decay; decline
E eyesight
F fissures; fluid retention
G gas; gastrointestinal glitches
H high blood pressure
I itches
J joints (stiff)
K knees
L libido
M memory; memory; memory
N nerve (pinched); neurosis
O osteo-(anything)
P psoriasis
Q queasiness
R reflux
S sleeplessness
T tinnitus
U urinary
V vertigo
W worry
X X ray
Y years gone by
Z zeal (undiminished
__________________
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ..
amgel49 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:59 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
2001 - 2016 ChabadTalk.com