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Unread 12-31-2001, 12:50 PM   #1
Jude
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Birthdays, Bar Mitzvah & Bas Mitzvah

The day a neshama comes down to the world is a cause of celebrations. When the neshamos of tzaddikim come down, the heavens rejoice, because they will do what they were sent down here to do. What about ordinary people? Aren't they likely to mess up? The Rebbe says that at this stage of galus, with so little left to do, everybody may and should celebrate their birthday, because no doubt they will take care of the final things that need correcting.
On your birthday, your mazal is dominant and helps you.
Your birthday is your personal Rosh Ha'Shana

Birthday customs (as initiated by the Rebbe):

1) aliya to the Torah on the birthday or on the preceding Shabbos
2) give tzedaka before shacharis and mincha (on Shabbos, give day before)
3) study an extra seder in nigleh and Chassidus, besides regular shiurim
4) spend time in seclusion, reflecting on the past. For those things that need correcting or teshuva, do so
5) Picture a yechidus you once had, remember what you asked the Rebbe and what he answered, and then study his teachings
6) spend extra time on your davening, meditating on gadlus ha'Borei. Also say Tehillim with great kavana, including (if possible) one whole book of Tehillim
7) study the perek of Tehillim which corresponds to your age and begin saying it daily (if you are 20 on your birthday, you start saying perek 21)
8) study a maamar Chassidus by heart, and then recite it at your birthday party or at shalosh seudos the following Shabbos
9) reach out to other Jews, teach them Torah in general and especially Chassidus, in the spirit of true ahavas Yisrael
10) make a new hachlata (resolution) that you can handle, or commit to more of a hiddur in some area, beginning with an additional seder Chassidus
11) Celebrate with family and friends, giving praise and thanks to Hashem (possibly saying the shehechiyanu bracha on a new fruit
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Unread 01-04-2002, 08:04 AM   #2
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i don't mean to attack, just curious: isn't the idea of celebrating birthdays a non-jewish one? i mean the only time the torah speak about yom huledes is by... pharoh. also u write "Birthday customs (as initiated by the Rebbe)", was the rebbe the first to establish all these cutsoms?
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Unread 01-04-2002, 08:24 AM   #3
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Is this not the whole thing. The Chiddush the Rebbe came up with to celebrate birthdays in such a way.

Jude, thanks for the post. Looked at the post two days before my b-day...reminded me of some stuff I had to do
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Unread 01-05-2002, 11:28 PM   #4
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Skeptical - The Rebbe addresses that question; I don't remember where. But the Rebbe was not the first to speak about the idea of birthdays, just he was the first to make a shturm about it.
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Unread 01-06-2002, 09:08 AM   #5
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The Gemara discusses celebrating reaching the age of 60, having passed the age of kareis, and also of 70. The Rebbe always backs himself up with mekoros, but the truth is, the Rebbe innovated.

Anyway, even if people don't celebrate their birthday, the day, more often than not, does not go by without some introspection. You just can't help but think about being a year older. It seems a natural thing to do, and the Rebbe simply formalized the observance and made it a combination of cheshbon ha'nefesh and a day of hod'a'ah.
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Unread 01-06-2002, 07:12 PM   #6
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sources

There was a sefer printed in bnei brak (5756) with many haskamos called "Ymei Shnoseinu" about minhagim for birthdays. See chp. 4 for sources for most of these minhagim.
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Unread 01-21-2002, 04:48 PM   #7
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Skeptical,

I heard that one before, but i don't think that the only place it speaks about birthdays in the Torah is by Paroh, in Parshas Vayera Perek 21 Posuk 8 it says that Avraham made a birthday party for Yitzchak.
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Unread 01-22-2002, 03:17 PM   #8
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Question Question about Birthdays

B"H
Hi All,
I am new to this forum.... quick question - are the minhagim for birthdays - just for men or both men and women? If there are differences what are they?
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Unread 01-22-2002, 03:36 PM   #9
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no differences, they apply to both men and women
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Unread 02-05-2002, 03:37 PM   #10
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Bas Mitzva

One place I read that the Rebbe said that bas mitzvos should be celebrated in school. Another place I read they should be celebrated as a mesibos Shabbos or melava malka. Is this so it will be partof a seudas mitzva? Later, the Rebbe said people should celebrate birthdays in a chassidishe way. How should Chabad girls and women celebrate? This is shnas hakhel-can gatherings for girls be held on other days than Shabbos or motzai Shabbos? .
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Unread 02-05-2002, 04:54 PM   #11
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I don't know the Mekoros for that, so I'll leave it for someone else to come up with. However, having it as Mesibos Shabbos would not make it a Seudas Mitzvah.

There is a list which the Rebbe had published in 5748 of what to do on a birthday which applies to both boys and girls. It's somewhere on this site.

And gatherings for Kedushah can definitely be held at any time!
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Unread 02-06-2002, 09:10 AM   #12
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bar mitzva minhagim

yet another difference between Chabad and other groups' minhagim is seen in the minhagei bar mitzva. As far as I know, "in the rest of the world," the FIRST ALIYA is Shabbos morning. In Chabad, it's the first available opportunity, Mon. Thurs. or Shabbos, and if it's on Shabbos, then an aliya at MINCHA is preferred.
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Unread 02-10-2002, 11:24 PM   #13
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BH

Hi-

The mere idea of a party would likely come under the category of a Goyshe thing. However when we make a party what are the motives behind it?

1) Jews gathering to discuss Torah
2) Hachlotos Tovos
3) Tzedakah
And the list can go on.

When you look at it this way one can surely understand why the Rebbe was so encouraging in birthdays.

As per Bas Mitzvah goes, it's not really where you make it but whom you invite and how big of a "shebang" you make it. (It has to be done in a Tzniyus fashion).

How do woman celebrate? They can make gatherings just as men could with their woman/girl friends; again the idea is to focus on the Torah aspect.

We must thank Jude for posting such a precise and wonderful description of what one must do on a birthday.
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Unread 02-10-2002, 11:44 PM   #14
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Jude, the reason for having the Aliyah specifically at Minchah of Shabbos was told to the Frierdike Rebbe by the Rebbe Rashab, if I remember correctly connected to the fact that it is a time of Raava DRaavin. I beleive it's in Likutei Diburim, in the 3 part Farbrengen for a bar mitzvah. I hope someone can find it :-).
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Unread 04-14-2002, 09:40 AM   #15
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I'd like to give a meaningful bas mitzva gift to a frum (B.Y.) but not Lubavitch girl. Any ideas?
I was thinking of a Chitas but 1) she's a non-Lub. 6th grader who won't use it for Chitas purposes, maybe Tehillim ... 2) will her parents disapprove ...
any appropriate books in English for a girl that age?
"Partners in the Dynamic of Creation" is too heavy and not geared for young girls.
anything else?
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Unread 04-14-2002, 12:00 PM   #16
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bas mitzvah gift

I would bedavka give her a beautiful leather bound Chitas even if she doesn't use it, it has the effect of Chitas Elokim and is a very important item in every Jewish home. I would, furthermore add a small silver leichter/
Years ago I gave a gift to asmall boy on his seventh birthday- siddur Tehillas Hashem/today he is a Lubavicher Chossid and always says that the gift started him on his way.
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Unread 04-22-2002, 03:10 PM   #17
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BS"D Here is a link to a whole Sefer about birthdays: http://www.sichosinenglish.org/books...-celebrations/
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Unread 04-24-2002, 12:48 PM   #18
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a lasting birthday gift

BS"D Recently, a relative of mine had a birthday. So a relative of hers went around asking for everyone to contribute to a present.
I was expecting to be asked for $$$$.
I was pleasantly surprised to hear that since my relative was turning 19, it was being asked that everyone in a few close families pitch in and make just one tiny, attainable good resolution, so that her birthday present would be 19 good resolutions!
And virtually everone gladly agreed!
Now, isn't that beautiful!
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Unread 04-24-2002, 12:56 PM   #19
Jude
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very nice!
did they tell her what the resolutions were? write them up?
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Unread 04-24-2002, 12:59 PM   #20
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BS"D Yes, and they e-mailed it to her!!
She will be SO HAPPY!!!
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Unread 05-06-2002, 10:57 PM   #21
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upshernish

does any one know the minhag for doing an upshernish during the 3 weeks be4 rosh chodesh
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Unread 05-07-2002, 12:56 PM   #22
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Mord, haircuts are the same before or after Rosh Chodesh - you wait until 11 Av.
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Unread 05-07-2002, 01:03 PM   #23
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my sons upshernish is 20 of tammuz so i have to wait until the 11th of av?
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Unread 05-07-2002, 01:10 PM   #24
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If it's this year, you can cut his hair Erev Shabbos which is 10 Av after mid-day. And yeas, just as we wait during Sefirah until Lag Bomer or Shavuos to do the Upsherenish.
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Unread 05-07-2002, 03:32 PM   #25
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THE KAPOS TAMARIM (SECTION 14) PASKINS THAT ONE SHOULDNT HAVE THE UPSHERNISH.
TORAS YEKUTIEL RESPONSA 47 SAYS THAT ONE COULD BUT THE REBBE SAYS IT HAS TO BE BEFORE ROSH CHODESHJ
BITULL CAN YOU COME UP WITH SOME ANSWERS FOR ME?
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