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Unread 04-11-2007, 09:09 PM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1
getting back on track

Hi all,

First, a short introduction. I'm Sarah. I'm a college student. I was born to a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother, and I'm in the process of converting with an Orthodox beis din. I see that there are a few threads here on conversion, so I hope someone will be able to relate....

I've been working on this conversion for a few months now. I'm only in my first year of college, and I have no delusions that I will be able to finish converting while I'm still under my parents' roof. It'll be at least two years (I'm trying to graduate early) before I will even be able to join a religious community.

Well, at first, I did really well. I've been dressing exclusively tznius for about three months now, have been shomer Shabbos for even longer, am more or less shomer negia (though I will still touch family--cousins, etc.), read everything I can get my hands on...and these mitzvos have not been a burden. I enjoyed every bit of it.

Now, though, I'm having a hard time. When I ask my mentor questions when we learn for my conversion, it's always been stuff like, how to ritually wash in the morning; is ____ permitted on Shabbos, what are the priorities for davening. I don't, G-d forbid, mean to say that these kinds of things are not important, but lately I've kind of lost my spark. I'm doing things mechanically, when I do them at all. I still read everything I can, I stay by a religious family every Shabbos, and I still pretty much do what I've been doing in public (dressing tzniusdik, etc.) But when I'm alone, it's a different story. I have a really hard time davening (sometimes it's only a couple of times a week) and when I do, it has no meaning. If no one is around to question my action, I'll go into a non-kosher restaurant. Last week, I hit an ultimate low and was intentionally mechalel Shabbos for the first time in months. That's when I knew I needed to get help. Does anyone have any ideas for someone who is not even Jewish yet to get back on track? Any books to read, or other advice?

Thanks very much,
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Unread 04-11-2007, 09:51 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,699
Sarah: there is not a mitzvah to get back in track
you do not have to be Jewish to be a good person and be loved by Hashem.You can do the 7 Mitzvos , why do you want to force yourself ?
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Unread 04-12-2007, 10:25 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 3,336
Considering that you are not yet past the conversion, what is making you want to push yourself, as you have no obligation for this?
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