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Unread 08-31-2004, 11:49 AM   #176
Nissan
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Re: Jokes (3)

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Unread 08-31-2004, 03:57 PM   #177
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Re: Jokes (3)

I Love The Warning Sign!!
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Unread 08-31-2004, 05:16 PM   #178
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Re: Jokes (3)

Well I didn't copyright it so feel free to use it as you wish
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Unread 08-31-2004, 11:41 PM   #179
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Re: Jokes (3)

Okay... I definately will... Oy!
Will my shul get a kick outa' that one!
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Unread 09-01-2004, 07:45 PM   #180
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Re: Jokes (3)

YossTek this is for you!

Introducing The SUPER CT
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Unread 09-01-2004, 08:15 PM   #181
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Re: Jokes (3)

Nice, Bais!
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Unread 09-02-2004, 12:25 AM   #182
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Re: Jokes (3)

Yeah:
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Unread 09-02-2004, 03:32 AM   #183
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Re: Jokes (3)

^Phew!.. BH! I'm safe !lol!
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Unread 09-02-2004, 03:50 AM   #184
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Re: Jokes (3)

Procrastination..
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Unread 09-02-2004, 04:06 AM   #185
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Re: Jokes (3)

Money,It's really not anything..
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Unread 09-02-2004, 04:18 AM   #186
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Re: Jokes (3)

Oy vey,this poor dog definately wasn't looking forward to his monthly check up...
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Unread 09-04-2004, 11:56 PM   #187
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Re: Jokes (3)

I saw this on Shmais and just had to put it up..
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Unread 09-05-2004, 01:28 AM   #188
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Re: Jokes (3)

The famous Olympic skier Picabo (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an

athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works in the Intensive Care Unit

of large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the

telephone while she is at work, however.



It simply caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and

say:



"Picabo, ICU"
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Unread 09-05-2004, 02:17 AM   #189
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Re: Jokes (3)

Lol!!
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Unread 09-05-2004, 02:20 AM   #190
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Re: Jokes (3)

LOL! cute!
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Unread 09-05-2004, 02:27 AM   #191
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Re: Jokes (3)

10. There must be a wealthy man who became poor because he didn't give tzedaka, and then became rich again because he did

9. There are no hotels or motels - just inns.

8. A king must have some strange illness which no doctors in the land can cure, except for one old wise peasant named moishele.

7. No matter how poor the person is, there will always be just enough money to buy matzahs.

6. There must be a shoe maker involved.

5. The only currencies that have any value are Rubles and good deeds

4. Every wise rabbi must have an apprentice

3. Any dirty beggar mentioned has about a 85% chance of being Elijah the Prophet

2. The most beautiful daughter of the richest man in town must marry the poorest holiest rabbi's son

1. Every one must have the middle name "The": Moishele the tailor, Shemelke the butcher, Shmuel the theif...
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Unread 09-05-2004, 05:15 AM   #192
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Re: Jokes (3)

As always no offence truly ment here...

~The Blonde House Painter~

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
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Unread 09-05-2004, 05:48 PM   #193
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Re: Jokes (3)

My "famous" Arab joke...

An Egged bus was once driving down the road somewhere in Israel. Moshe, the driver, passed by a roadblock and entered Arab territory. Nearing a bus stop, he saw a man waiting to board the bus. He slowed down and opened the door. As the man boarded, Moshe noticed that the man was certainly Arab. As the Arab pulled out a few shekels to pay his fare, Moshe was looking at the man's face. He decided he didn't like this man. Trusting his instincts as a bus driver of 10 years, he reached out his hand and shoved the Arab off the bus. The man went flying down the steps and landed in a heap on the sidewalk.

As Moshe was about to close the door and drive away, the Arab leaped to his feet and began yelling at him: "Asur, asur! You're not allowed to do that! It's illegal, it's not fair- you're not allowed!"

In America, a driver would ignore the guy and just leave, but Moshe, a typical Israeli, could not let the Arab have the last word. He yelled back, "Of course I'm allowed! I'm the driver! I'm allowed to do anything! What do you know about things being illegal?"

The Arab continued protesting that it was illegal, ranting about what this world was coming to if the Egged drivers don't follow the laws.

Moshe, exasperated, shot back- "Prove it! Where does it say that it's illegal to throw you off the bus?"

The Arab triumphantly pointed to a sign in the bus. "Right there!"

Moshe turned around to see what the Arab was indicating. The sign read "Hashlachat psolet merechev zeh asurah." (Throwing garbage off this vehicle is prohibited.)
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Unread 09-05-2004, 11:49 PM   #194
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Re: Jokes (3)

A bus full of ugly people crashed and all the people went up to the heavenly court. The heavenly court decided that since all these people were ugly they'd give them something to make them a bit happier, before they went into heaven, they'd each be granted one wish.
The first guy in line wished to be gorgeous. The second guy in line did too. By the time it got to the fifth guy, and all them had asked for the same request, the last guy in line was laughing. When the line was half way done and all the people in line had asked to be gorgeous, the last guy in line was uncontrollable. When there were only five people left in line and all the people in front had asked to be gorgeous, the last guy in line was rolling on the floor.
Finally, it came the turn of the last guy in line. All the people who had gone in front of him had requested beauty as their wish. As his wish the last guy said: "Make 'em all ugly again!"
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Unread 09-08-2004, 06:35 AM   #195
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Re: Jokes (3)

Everything was going well for him ..until the crowd started chanting his name...
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Unread 09-08-2004, 09:00 AM   #196
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Re: Jokes (3)

cute!
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Unread 09-12-2004, 02:36 AM   #197
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Re: Jokes (3)

~Letter to John Kerry~

A senior citizen throws his support to John Kerry.

DEAR SIR,

DURING THE CLINTON ADMINISTRATION I HAD AN EXTREMELY GOOD AND WELL PAYING JOB. I TOOK NUMEROUS VACATIONS AND HAD SEVERAL VACATION HOMES. SINCE PRESIDENT BUSH TOOK OFFICE, I HAVE WATCHED MY ENTIRE LIFE CHANGE FOR THE WORSE.

I LOST MY JOB. I LOST MY TWO SONS IN THAT TERRIBLE IRAQI WAR. I LOST MY HOMES. I LOST MY HEALTH INSURANCE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, I LOST VIRTUALLY EVERYTHING AND BECAME HOMELESS. ADDING INSULT TO INJURY, WHEN THE AUTHORITIES FOUND ME LIVING LIKE AN ANIMAL, INSTEAD OF HELPING ME, THEY ARRESTED ME.

I WILL DO ANYTHING TO INSURE PRESIDENT BUSH'S DEFEAT IN THE NEXT ELECTION. I WILL DO ANYTHING THAT SENATOR KERRY WANTS TO INSURE THAT A DEMOCRAT IS BACK IN THE WHITE HOUSE COME NEXT YEAR.

BUSH HAS TO GO. I JUST THOUGHT YOU AND YOUR LISTENERS WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW ONE SENIOR CITIZEN VIEWS THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ MY LETTER.

SINCERELY,

SADDAM HUSSEIN
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Unread 09-12-2004, 03:28 PM   #198
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Re: Jokes (3)

This is just BRILLIANT!
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Unread 09-12-2004, 07:43 PM   #199
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Re: Jokes (3)

My Israeli freind told me that he misses his arab neighbor, but then again, he told me his aim is getting better.
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Unread 09-12-2004, 09:01 PM   #200
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Re: Jokes (3)

Toda Raba n'eNow770

lol YossTek..:P
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