Thread: confused
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Unread 08-15-2008, 02:35 AM   #29
Majorthinker
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Quote:
Originally Posted by existwhere? View Post
Demanding that it be 100% secret is a major warning sign of pritzus. If he would agree that you tell the situation to a frum mental health professional, parent, or Rav, than it's more likely to be all right.
I didn't even think of suggesting that. Although I should have.
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Yes, it's easier to take, but it doesn't deal with the problem. My intuition tells me that he's going to come back with the problem, because there's no way to really know what the problem is anonymously online.
Lav davka. And my point, in any case, was to get him to where he could take it offline. At the point where he was, he wouldn't have.
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And there was no other person you know who would be able to do it? Let's say a boy told me he needed my help about something like this, and I felt he really needed the help right away, I would refer him to another male member who I trust who could handle it better. I would even ask that member to take on the case and explain what happened. That way, you avoid his being interested in you, which will further complicate any emotional help he needs.
Right. But...a)he doesn't know enough to be interested, and b)at this point, he wouldn't talk to anyone. I asked. Somehow, because I listen, I get all the weirdos telling me their issues. And some that aren't weirdos, as well.
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You don't know how he knew you, right?
So how do you know how much info he has about you?
He may also switch identities and come back as someone else.
He doesn't know me- just liked my posting style and decided it was someone that he would be comfortable talking to. There's no personal info on my profile...I'm not that meshugge. As to switching identities- why? What good would that do him?
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Would you want people to know that you discuss these issues?
Why was it confidential- was it something not nice about themselves or their family they don't want people to know?
Hey, I don't mind people knowing that I deal with these issues. Over the years, I've dealt with this issue a lot, from girls. Now it's the same thing, except that it'st a guy. If people knew I dealt with these issues, I'd probably get a lot of flack, as would anyone in this field. On the other hand, I'd also get a lot of phone calls. Luckily, I'm not listed as one who deals with this stuff. So it's just the odd ones here and there.

As to why it was confidential- because it was a very embarrassing personal issue. Like, the stuff you'd die of embarrassment if someone found it out. That's why he wanted to do it anonymously. He's afraid of people's reactions and ruining his name.
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Wow. I can't imagine how you've kept that a secret all these years.
You could have saved yourself a lot of stress by teaching your parents how to use the internet in the beginning, and how to use the various media on the internet as you went along. (Why not start today? Say, "Mom, would you like a short crash course on what people can do today on the internet?" Don't tell her everything, just teach her how AIM and blogs and forums work.)
Yeah, tell me about it. It's not so stressful anymore, though. I think at the beginning my mother looked at this site, but decided that it was harmless enough. So she hasn't looked at it since that day, when I was a teenage nutcase. At any rate, the sibling after me is not computer-savvy at all, in addition to being scared of the internet. But for the one after that my mother probably needs a course. I'll give her one. She learned how to use parental controls in the past couple years, while I haven't been there to do it for her.
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He certainly does not sound like someone with a lot of Yirat Shamayim.
What does keeping it confidential mean, exactly?
Unfortunately, after thinking about this point, I realized that you're right. I'd like to think otherwise, only because that's not such a nice way to think about a frum Yid. But...his yirat shamayim could definitely use work. On the other hand, so could all of ours.

And confidential means not to tell anyone. Except for a very vague image, which is what I presented here. At any rate, it's not a subject I talk about without a valid reason to.
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