Thread: confused
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Unread 08-14-2008, 08:41 AM   #26
existwhere?
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 690
Quote:
Originally Posted by Majorthinker View Post
'Is this tzanua'- that was the point of the question.
Demanding that it be 100% secret is a major warning sign of pritzus. If he would agree that you tell the situation to a frum mental health professional, parent, or Rav, than it's more likely to be all right.
Quote:
'How does this person know me?'- He doesn't. Not at all. That's the point. Anonymous help sometimes is easier to take than real-life help.
Yes, it's easier to take, but it doesn't deal with the problem. My intuition tells me that he's going to come back with the problem, because there's no way to really know what the problem is anonymously online.
Quote:
'Do they really need me to do it...?'- Unless they're lying, and the situation isn't as it seems, and my gut is wrong. Doesn't happen often. The 'me' part is coincidental. They need someone to do it. I happened to be in the right place at the right time. (Or, if you like, wrong place at the wrong time.)
And there was no other person you know who would be able to do it? Let's say a boy told me he needed my help about something like this, and I felt he really needed the help right away, I would refer him to another male member who I trust who could handle it better. I would even ask that member to take on the case and explain what happened. That way, you avoid his being interested in you, which will further complicate any emotional help he needs.
Quote:
'Can I really cut contact?'- Sure. I can ban them hereafter. They don't have my email, address, name, telephone number, or anything else....it's completely anonymous. Of course, there is always the [unadvisable] option of deciding not to cut contact. But the option is there.
You don't know how he knew you, right?
So how do you know how much info he has about you?
He may also switch identities and come back as someone else.
Quote:
'If all the communications...'- I wouldn't be uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with what I said. It was good advice. But I would feel bad for them. What they told me was confidential.
Would you want people to know that you discuss these issues?
Why was it confidential- was it something not nice about themselves or their family they don't want people to know?
Quote:
I wouldn't want my siblings reading it until they're adults. My parents- why not? As long as they understand what prompted me to do it, and that we've cut contact, why should there be an issue? (Although my mother isn't the smartest person to tell. She'd freak out about CT. Obviously, she doesn't know I'm on here. Or that I used to blog. Or anything else...)
Wow. I can't imagine how you've kept that a secret all these years.
You could have saved yourself a lot of stress by teaching your parents how to use the internet in the beginning, and how to use the various media on the internet as you went along. (Why not start today? Say, "Mom, would you like a short crash course on what people can do today on the internet?" Don't tell her everything, just teach her how AIM and blogs and forums work.)
Quote:
True. I never thought of it that way. But again, I don't want to hide this; I was asked to keep it confidential.
He certainly does not sound like someone with a lot of Yirat Shamayim.
What does keeping it confidential mean, exactly?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MahTovChelkeinu View Post
I think there are two issues here:

1) The possibility of a platonic friendship leading to something more (which has been discussed with various degrees of tact by others).

2) The question of whether just the platonic relationship itself is a problem, even if you are mature enough to control yourselves (which I would hope you are).

I am doubtful that the admonition "you'll screw up and stop being platonic" is really going to hit home, so I suggest you think about the second point. Existwhere (who has the advantage of being female) laid out several good reasons why you should be cautious. Just remember that whatever you consider casual now will no longer be special and unique when you have a husband to share it with.
My issue is not whether the relationship is platonic or not. Skittles is the only one who knows that, and frankly, neither she nor anyone else is going to be honest and open about that here or anywhere. I respect Skittles for asking and am pretty sure it is platonic, but the truth is no one will know in this world except her.

There is a personal tznius that I feel is violated when people of opposite genders contact each other online. No human will ever know what really happened, and that's why it is so important to imbue each of our children with a deep, deep, all-encompassing Yiras Shamayim that they have to feel in every single aspect of their lives. Nothing else will protect them from themselves on the internet.

Last edited by existwhere?; 08-15-2008 at 07:53 AM.
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