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awertvbh1 10-01-2002 08:16 PM

Talking to the opposite gender
i know its a weird qestion and that it shouldnt enter my mind...but why is it worng for a girl to talk to a boy and a boy to talk to a girl?? its not like you are going to do soemthing crazy with them! unless you are crazy! but i just dont understand ?
and what if your parnets allow you to talk to guys/girls? what do you do? is it ok then or still wrong??
could n e one help me?

Jude 10-01-2002 08:33 PM

Check out the following threads: Relationships and Speaking to the Opposite Gender

awertvbh1 10-01-2002 08:36 PM


Jude 10-01-2002 09:02 PM

also Mixed Schools and Halacha about Speech ... (in the Sensitive section)

awertvbh1 10-01-2002 09:05 PM

ok thanx a million gn

walter 10-02-2002 07:55 AM

Re: a qestion for all
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by awertvbh1 [/i]
[B]i know its a weird qestion and that it shouldnt enter my mind...but why is it worng for a girl to talk to a boy and a boy to talk to a girl?? its not like you are going to do soemthing crazy with them! unless you are crazy! but i just dont understand ?
and what if your parnets allow you to talk to guys/girls? what do you do? is it ok then or still wrong??
could n e one help me? [/B][/QUOTE]

Your question is not weird but one that many young folks ask. Your desire to talk with a * * * * * * * * * is a natural part of growing up. Although your desire is healthy.., or natural, shouldn't imply that one should follow through with their heart. If you are Orthodox, you know what is expected of you. If your parents do not enforce Jewish Law is does not mean the Law is wrong.., but only that your parents do not realize it's importance. It is never ok to do wrong. never.

awertvbh1 10-02-2002 04:56 PM

but why is it worng????
why is there that desire??

Jude 10-02-2002 04:59 PM

<<but why is it worng????>>

because halacha says so (do you understand why stealing is wrong? how about lying?)

<<why is there that desire??>>

so you get married!

awertvbh1 10-02-2002 05:25 PM

no not a desire toi get married but rather to talk to guys when you are young!!!
why is talking to a guy more exciting why is it more enjoyable??

Jude 10-02-2002 05:32 PM

because at that age you are physically ready for marriage, whether you do so or not
and because forbidden waters are sweet

walter 10-03-2002 07:24 AM

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by awertvbh1 [/i]
[B]but why is it worng????
why is there that desire?? [/B][/QUOTE]

Dear Friend,
I have a son [22] and daughter [19] who grew up in a household where they had much freedom. My wife and I thought we were pretty cool parents. My son, six months ago became a father and is not planning on getting married to the young lady who born his child. Although they live together.., they are both very unhappy. My daughter recently got a job at a bar/restaurant where the women's outward appearance is needless to say risky. I consider both of my children good kids with not so good parents. There was no direction, no law, only freedom to act out their every desire. Laws sometimes may seem difficult to understand as they seem to keep us from enjoying life to it's fullest. But really, law looks out for our best interest and your obedience secures you a future minus the many heart breaks that life may sit before you. Your world can be one of two realities.., I wish you a world where Law will bring you to the place we all desire. :classic:

awertvbh1 10-05-2002 06:55 PM

ok firstly how does ur son have a kid if hes not married??
thats just wrong even if u did let him do wtvr when he was a teen my god at leats teach him about....
i would never think of such things thoes thougts dont even enter my mind (to have a child work in a bar...) but why not just talk to guy/girl?? there nothing WRONG with that!!
wow im in total shock bouty hearing bout ur kids!!
the only thing that i desire is to talk to a guy/girl!!!
wtvr thanx for telling me ur story ne way good luck

Dr. Yisroel 10-05-2002 09:11 PM

I think your question is a good one. Why not talk to boys? After all, its only talking! Nothing else!

Yeah right!! The rabbis created something called "muksah". The purpose of creating this is so we dont come to do what is really wrong.

There is no way that it is just talking. One thing leads to the next. Its a fact of life. The human condition. Its expected. Hence, to refrain from this happening........

awertvbh1 10-05-2002 09:29 PM

i know so many ppl who just SPOKE to guys/girls it didnt lead to ne thing!! seriously!! i mean i no other ppl on the other hand.. but still i just dont see why it should be down right WRONG!!

Dr. Yisroel 10-05-2002 09:52 PM

I don't believe it! I have heard this one for years. I don't mean to be harsh, but I work with lots of Jewish teens. They say the same thing.

awertvbh1 10-05-2002 09:54 PM

i no people and im really close with them and i n0o they r not lieing all they do is talk nothing more then friendsly talk!!!
why is that worng??
they dont like eachother in n e other way but friends!!
i dont see somethingw rong with that

Dr. Yisroel 10-05-2002 09:59 PM

I'd like to know how long they have known these people. Is it serious? Do they only know them as internet buddies? Tell me details.

awertvbh1 10-05-2002 10:01 PM

the most they have "done" was talk on the phone privatly if not they have been togther by family gathering but they are litaraly best freinds that all they dont touch or kiss or wtvr else is going threw ur minds they r bouth very much into learning... besides for that they talk to eachother

Dr. Yisroel 10-05-2002 10:05 PM

I see. So you say that you want to have a friend who happens to be a boy and you want to talk to him. Tell me what are your motives?

awertvbh1 10-05-2002 10:07 PM

not me not I want ...
just why is it wrong why is it not allowed?
nothing "bad" is happening if ne thing good!!
ppl ehlping eachother...

Dr. Yisroel 10-05-2002 10:09 PM

Who said it is wrong! It's not wrong!

As I said before it is like muktza. Its a means to an ends.

awertvbh1 10-05-2002 10:11 PM

then why is that when u r marrigabke age and the guy knows the girl spoke to guys they woulnt go outwith her"?

Dr. Yisroel 10-05-2002 10:28 PM

Sorry, I didn't finish my previous one.

Why would anyone want to talk to a "guy" (as you call it). Talk to another girl. There are so many out there. The reason why talk to a "guy" is b/c of chemistry.

Something is happening during the converstaion. Whether its concious or subconcious.

There is no way for a teeenage girl to talk to a teenage boy and not have feelings. This is the way G-d created us.

......One thing leads to the next!

awertvbh1 10-06-2002 08:27 AM

no u cant talk to another girl alot because you have compatition with her tahts they way most girls work they are every into themslefs not listening to u.. i dont know its weird andf i thnk thta it is possible to have conversatoin witha guy with out chemistry

Jude 10-06-2002 08:40 AM

two things:
first of all, about your shock over Walter's story, Walter has said elsewhere that he is not Jewish
secondly, I heard a talk given by a Rabbi to modern sem girls (not Lub.) about "platonic relationships." His message, said in a good-humored way which wasn't offensive, was that when it comes to these things, girls are "stupid." This is because girls (and you prove the point), [I]are[/I] happy to "just be friends" with boys. What's stupid is that the girls remain oblivious to the fact that for the [I]boys[/I] it's [I]not[/I] about "just being friends"! Girls deny this and say things like, "oh, but not [I]him[/I]" but boy are they wrong!

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